A dear friend of mine recently said, to me after I come across yet another obstacle in my journey to getting my book published, she said, “Oh Kel, Why do we always have to constantly be so &**()^ brave?” I actually dismissed the answer at the time… I didn’t mean to, but it’s such a big question.

I want to address it now at least, part of it. The mere definition of Brave means,“…to be ready to face and endure danger and pain, while showing courage and without showing fear…”Cambridge English Dictionary

I’m not sure how to answer her question, but i’ll give it a go! Here are just three ideas out of my list I would like to share with you about the struggle to keep our head up!

1.We are Hard-Wired to Be Brave.

We talk about fear all the time like it is a bad thing. We talk about being strong for a long time like it’s a bad thing. We talk about being in and enduring pain, fatigue, loneliness, heartache and trauma like its all so terrible. Well yes it’s not nice, its not pleasant, and its certainly uncomfortable and at times quite tragic…But we seem to forget… we were born… so we could live. We were born so we could survive.

Our body has been gifted with certain things to help us. For example; our brain, body, physical strength, creativity, and emotions all make up our hard wiring. If we never had a difficult time in our life, our brain would have no idea how to conceptualise what it sees, how it responds and the kind of reaction it will have to something. Your brain is wired with an internal alarm system.  Too much stimulus could quite possibly make the hard wiring short circuit, and that is when other coping strategies step in… then we learn to survive.  Sometimes those circuits rewire and make new pathways. Your brain is amazing like that.

We were born to survive and we are hard wired to ‘get through stuff.’ It can be tiring… but its not all bad! Our brain was designed to deal with things that scare us…and to come up with solutions and solve the problems in front of us. That creates resilience. It creates character. It builds people. You can be brave, you were born with the wiring in you!

2. Being Brave Leads to Growth.

Challenging yourself when you feel afraid, allows you the chance to grow and learn. If you have a fear response to a certain stimulus, learning to recognise whether it as a good or bad thing is a learned response. Challenging those learnt responses is what will provide you the opportunity for growth, healing, and change. That is part of the battle. The other, is knowing you will be safe when you open the door to that fear. Knowing what will happen when you accept that challenge. Will you be okay? Can you control the outcome?

Sometimes the greatest opportunities for growth come when you are brave enough to stop assessing the risk and just do it anyway. You cannot control everything. But you can learn how to challenge your fear responses.

3. Being Brave Helps us Move Forward.

It’s easy to stay where it is safe. It is easy to say that I can’t do it. It is easy to stay where you know, where nothing can get you, harm you, and kill you. Moving forward is an unknown. Yet we all want something in this life and that means we have a decision to make.

Do we stay where it’s warm and comfortable… or do we set sail and make the most of the journey we have. By being brave, you give yourself the chance to have the life you dreamed about before whatever hurt you made you too afraid to go and get it.I’m trying right now NOT to let those things get in the way of what I do next. Don’t stay where you are too long… you might miss the chance.

Yes I know how it feels to be tired. For those who have an understanding of the bible you might be familiar with the word Long-suffering.  I’m not saying don’t be comfortable, but just don’t hide when it get UN-Comfortable.  Be brave enough to see why you feel that way, and challenge the feeling.

We live in a world where we want things to be done now… and that includes wanting the pain to go away, the anger, the hurt. They are there for a reason and teach us about ourselves. We must listen. It also teaches us that we believe in something, that we love, are loved and have value.

We are all on a journey. Just don’t miss the best parts of it by being too comfortable. Trust that you have what it takes and move forward in whatever circumstance you are in, knowing you are hard wired to survive, to be brave… and you have what it takes to learn and grow.

Grooming behaviour is targeted; there is no other way to say it. It is deliberate with an intention to engage a victim in sexual acts. If you check out my last blog; I talk about what grooming is as defined in the Criminal Code. Earlier, I also defined what a sexual act consisted of… 

But how does it begin? How does it happen and what are the signs? We are up to blog 7 of the “Your Questions Answered” Series. As an advocate for change and someone who wants to break cycles of abuse,  I believe is one of the most important things to know about how sexual abuse occurs.

Most groomers, (which can be anyone) have techniques they use to ‘trick’ and gain access to a vulnerable child. Only 20% of reported sexual offences have occurred where the victim has NOT known the offender. The majority of Sexual assaults occur when there is some relationship already.

SO, we definitely need to know how grooming occurs. More often than not, it is not an obvious display of trickery, but as subtle and unidentifiable as possible.

What kind of child does a predator typically target?

Unfortunately, Paedophiles are cunning… they are tricky and they exist in a space where manipulation is the way to an end goal. So they choose victims based on the vulnerability, neediness, and those that are more likely to please… The predator can use many tactics but the end goal is that the child will be too afraid to speak. How do you avoid your child being targeted? (Let’s cover that in the next blog)

What does Grooming look like; how does it happen? 

It looks like anything…! How long is a piece of string? Sometimes it is so hard to know what to look for but we can only try and create as much awareness around this as possible.

There are specific techniques paedophiles use, and they involve a great deal of patience on part of the predator including setting themselves up as model citizens; well embedded into the community and community activities. These positions are usually where their reputation and community standing enables them to hide behind a facade. It would not cause anyone to even think the person could be capable of grooming or sexual abuse.

This role, or community involvement allows trust to be built in adult groups and as such even the most responsible parents drop their guard. The parent believes the person to be safe and so allow more and more access to their child.

They are incredibly nice people, paedophiles. In fact, like my uncle they would never do the wrong thing; butter would not melt in their mouth.

The problem is that this leads into the grooming of the parents and the false sense that they can be trusted.

Many of these offenders prefer the company of younger children over adults. Sadly it is because they know they have power over young children, which allows them to have a sense of control.

What are the signs of grooming?

There are some specific signs to be mindful of, but as every child is different so too are the ways in which they will be groomed.

Unknown.jpegTypically…

1- Child may sneak time or try and be on their own with the groomer/predator. (especially in the online environment.)

2- The groomer makes time to spend with the child, intentional, one v one time where the groomer will listen and pay particular attention to the child.

3- Child may have gifts, money or small tokens. The child feels ‘special;’ special praise, and compliments are given, which may seem out of place, and even over the top. (This tends to be out of sight of any other persons).

4- In order to desensitize the child, the groomer may spend more time with the child when they are dressing, bathing or going to bed.

5- Accidental touching is certainly not off the cards. There were times I remember when I was going through the barbed wire fence or getting in the car and Uncle Bob would use that chance to touch me somewhere… oops. What it meant is that I got used to it. There may even be excessive hugging of the child.

6- Overt sexual jokes or talk- the aim to desensitize the child to sexual talk.

7- Rough play with the child, where being close is expected- i.e wrestling and perhaps inappropriate placement of a child with certain positions.

8- Be mindful of children sitting on laps… There are different ways to do this, and there will be a marked difference between how a predator will sit a child on their lap as opposed to someone who is not. i.e, is the child comfortable, what are their mannerisms? Are they squirming? Uncomfortable? Afraid? Are they being made to sit? Is there a blanket?

9- The child will relish the attention given and be upset when the groomer is not around. This could be as a protective measure out of fear, or a fear of someone infiltrating the world created by the groomer/predator.

10- This power the predator has over the child or the one being groomed can result in the child becoming particularly defensive about that person. Protective almost.

Unfortunately, paedophiles have really ruined genuine connection for wonderful fathers (in particular) and caring family members who enjoy spending time with their loved ones. An important thing my dad said after I had broken my silence was that he wasn’t sure how he should be around me and the other kids. There is a big difference to the love a genuine person gives to that of a paedophile.  Again there is not any one particular thing that will tell you a child is being groomed or is a victim of sexual assault or child trauma, but there will be a combination of factors, such as the physical signs, psychological signs and even behavioural signs combined with the above behaviours that could lead you to believe something was ‘off’. You will know if you see it. You have to trust that your instincts are right, and back yourself.

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Next blog: Strategies on how to avoid grooming behaviour, what you can do about it.

 

Much Love XO

Kel

Disclaimer:

Every situation is different and each situation has its own very complex circumstances. There are no hard and fast answers, what I say here is my experience- and my own opinion supported at times by research.

This stuff is not black and white. It just can’t be. What is black and white/ right and wrong is that Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence is never ok, and it is never under any circumstances right.

What is grey is in fact terribly dark… That is the silence that sits surrounding this topic. The shame and absolute fear so heavily laden on the shoulders of victims that the mere thought of speaking brings crippling anxiety and fear.

Lets change that… together.

For further support you can click HERE:

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 in Australia. 

To report sexual abuse to police- please attend a Police Station or call 131444 for Policelink. (Australia)

To seek support or assistance you can contact me, www.kellyhumphries.com (I am a single entity who can offer advice, and personal coaching. I am not a psychologist or registered counsellor, but I am very approachable and happy to help. 

You can contact the Centre for Sexual Violence at http://www.casv.org.au and download any of their brochures and information, and likewise Bravehearts– https://bravehearts.org.au/

For internet related advice please contact The Carly Ryan Foundation http://www.carlyryanfoundation.com

#SexualAbuse #GroomingStinks #UnscathedBeauty #YourQuestionsAnswered #Courage #AreYouInTune

My heart and my passion is to see cycles broken and lives changed… Sometimes I get the incredible privilege to be asked to speak. I was honoured just this week, September 28th, 2017 to share at the WAVSS (Working Against Violence Support Service- Logan and Redlands) AGM Breakfast meeting as their guest speaker. WAAVS is a service primarily supporting families through Domestic and Family Violence.

My message among many; you are never alone and what pain we feel can be healed through the power of connection, as well as it be prevented. Did you know that someone has already kicked down the door? Someone has already ridden the rollercoaster? Never is the journey you walk one that hasn’t been travelled in some way by someone before you. Paths have crossed…and while your story is unique shared experiences and breaking through fear brings freedom. Domestic Violence like any other form of trauma is a cycle that needs to be broken and one where a victim (male or female) can feel afraid and isolated.

Many of us in our pain and the crisis in life leave us unable to see past what is happening directly in front of us. More often than not, we are blinded by the crisis and the deep emotions felt when the world deals one of its cruel blows. (It is also how people remain stuck in these spaces) This can last a moment… or sometimes years at a time depending on your experience or situation.

The power of connection provides a way for healing to begin… not just any connection, but a safe, trusted and understanding connection. This is why I love services like WAVSS and many like it… because they are passionate about what they do, and they, understand and believe the cycle needs to be broken.

So my encouragement is simple- make sure the people in your circle of influence are the people that you trust, that are safe, and can ride the waves with you. You are more than a label and you are never alone. #ReachOut #YouMatter

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Thankyou to the team at WAVSS who work with victims and families of Domestic Violence and for allowing me to stand with you!

Much Love

Kel Xo

 

#NotAlone #KellyHumphries #UnscathedBeauty #MoreThanLabels   #Wavss #KellyHumphriesSpeaker

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Some time ago I put up a Facebook post asking people what they wanted to know when it comes to sexual abuse, assault and child trauma. I believe I am qualified to answer most of the questions posed to me- I was a victim myself, for a period of 8 years my Uncle took it upon himself to sexually abuse me. He groomed me, he groomed my family and now- I am trying to do something so our families, friends and communities are safer. What am I doing? I am sharing my story, being a voice, encouraging, connecting, writing and anything else that brings this topic out of the shadows. I speak for those who cannot, and I am a voice, to give hope…hopefully, and bring light into this dark space. I am learning, and I am growing.

I have had 10 years of frontline policing work with a significant amount of time working with young people. I have a degree in psychology, and health and fitness. I have been an athlete for over 27 years, and now I am a certified Results Coach and John Maxwell Team Coach.

While I may not have all the technical terms, what I will share with you over the coming weeks and months will be as real as I can be. The way I see it, for the everyday person we rarely know where to look to find the answers to these profound questions. Questions like, ‘How do I know if my child is being groomed? What do I look for to see if my child is being sexually abused? How can I forgive them, the perpetrator for what happened? Is this my fault? Why did this happen? Why do paedophiles offend?

We are afraid of the answers, we are afraid of the truth; let’s face it- some of us are afraid of the questions at all. I was afraid of the answers too, and it wasn’t until I wrote my book- to be published this year #UnscathedBeauty that I realised how much I had been hiding, not only from the world, but from myself.

We can so easily find ourselves caught between morals and societal expectations around whether this thing called Sexual abuse, or rape or any kind of sexual anything should be spoken about, or even if it’s ‘proper’ to ask. The courage and strength it takes to go through this journey (However that looks) is exceptionally hard to find, but once you know how, it can be done and you will realise; parent, friend, supporter, or whoever you are on this journey that you really do have what it takes.

I know how hard it is… even though many may see me as a tough, strong woman… I can be afraid. Fear can take over… and sometimes I am not tough at all. I don’t feel that strength and I have to dig way deep into the recesses of my mind and find those slivers of courage- and it’s because these fears don’t go away… the fear of judgement, the fear of speaking at all. There is always something that lingers… but we just get better at talking and coping, and it gets easier. It gets easier when people connect, collaborate and validate. I have learnt that I am okay, I can talk, I can speak and I can write… though that wasn’t always true.

Now it is. If you want to join me on my journey- if you want to know the answers. Then connect with me. Like my Facebook Page, collaborate with me-and lets change how this whole space looks. Get brave with me! I am asking you to please share this blog, get people to follow along. You can also follow through Facebook or Twitter.

We can make a difference. You can make a difference.

#KellyHumphriesSpeaker. #UnscathedBeauty #BreakTheCycle #SayNo

world is your playground

“An enduring symbol of happiness is the delightful little Bluebird. Bluebird beckons the day with the simple pleasures and sings the song that happiness is possible, it is the gift you give to yourself. If you are going through a dark time, Bluebirds remind us that things will be brighter, just hold on and get through this day” 

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When I was just a small child someone in my family- probably my beautiful mother bought me a Bluebird badge. Engraved with my name, I never knew for sure what it meant- or did I? Recently when looking for photos for my book, #UnscathedBeauty I found my Bluebird badge. I started to put things together in my mind and I realised just how much this enduring symbol of happiness had sat with me. How I had held on… for dear life.

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Me- about 5 years old. 

I would pray, from the very depths of my soul for Jesus to come and rescue me, that he would make me into a bird so I could fly far away, so I could be happy. So I could get away from him, my abusive uncle. In hindsight, I was mostly happy as a child and prayers were answered, i just didnt know it then. How? While all this sexual abuse I had been going through kept happening- I held so tight to the simple things in life. The moments of joy, the cow poo fights with my brother, pushing my sister around in the washing basket and dancing in the rain in my underwear. The smell of mums cooking and baiting a hook while fishing with dad- not to mention catching a fish! Those were the simple things in life that made the darkness fall away, like the rain that washed me clean, and like my prayers that were sent to heaven, love restored me in a way that I could continue for another day. While the battle has raged for years, peaks and troughs… highs and lows, we learn, and life teaches us how to survive. Putting it simply, it gets better because we get better. We learn and grow.

See I did learn a lesson from the Bluebird… I learnt to hold on and I learnt to how to be free- it just took a while. I also learnt patience. I learnt to wait until it was safe and the time was right to fly…

I don’t know who wrote this poem- ‘the bluebird’, only that in my dreams I flew and still do, every night- Thats what I did- that is how I dreamed…that is also how I survived. 

The Bluebird while just a symbol has been a symbol which has held firm in the background of my life. As I looked up the Bluebird on the ever faithful google, so many things refer to the Bluebird being stuck in your heart… oh the metaphors… pretty little Bluebird… your time to fly is now. As I get close to the publishing of my book, I see how far I have come, and all that has been achieved.

If you are in a dark space, a struggle, a situation or circumstance that you feel you can find no way out of, take a lesson from me… from the Bluebird… hold on. Hold on to the moments of love and happiness in your life and embrace them. It may be the simplest thing, but when you are ready to look up again- you will find you are stronger, more courageous than ever before and the world really is your playground.

Much Love xo Kel

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I don’t know who wrote this, only that in my dreams I fly, and every night- Thats what I did- that is also how I survived. 

 

#Bluebird #UnscathedBeauty #KellyHumphries #SexualAbuse #Don’tGiveUp #courage #KellyHumphriesSpeaker #OvercomingAbuse #morethanalabel #Author #Change The World

Blogs by Kelly

“Sometimes we dare to dream we have the ability to do something powerful: a thing, which holds meaning and purpose. Sometimes we are even brave enough to allow ourselves an opportunity to do that ‘thing’ we have always dreamed about doing. Even fewer times do we allow ourselves permission to actually do it!” Kelly Humphries- Author, Speaker, Coach

I believe that we all desire to succeed in our own way; to be the best that we can be and do something incredible with our lives.

Often times though we are clouded by life and the situations that surround us. We cannot see past our crisis and it’s easy to become buried, dark, depressed and lack lustre about life. We seek to understand and feel misunderstood. We grind through life, we hope and fall on our faces eating dirt and feel the whole world is on a vendetta to get at us.

Well, luckily… we have a choice… we can be de-vined by our painful past, situations or circumstances or we can choose to hold on to the vine and grow out of control.

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I am reminded of this simple thing after spending a week in Sydney just recently, becoming an accredited results coach. I was all a-buzz with the collective consciousness, the incredible energy that permeated the training room and the sheer passion and enthusiasm of the other coaches to make a difference to others lives.

The vine was alive and full of life, and by choosing to be vulnerable, seek insight and tapping into the strength and knowledge of the others around me, I grew leaps and bounds in a mere 6 days. Growth can be found anywhere though, you just need to look for it. Seek like minded people. Be disciplined and choose to challenge your limitations by stretching through your comfort zone. You can do it!

I am now more congruent than ever with my message of finding, stepping into and unleashing my Unscathed Beauty- That is all you are and all you are meant to be despite life and all that occurs around you which would seek to bring you down. You have power and dominion over that darkness and can choose to walk in the light. Just decide!

So I ask you… what vine are you clinging to? Is it encouraging your growth? Is it inhibiting your freedom to move and step forward into the path you desire? Is your past keeping you locked in the shadows.

Grasp hold of your passion and purpose for this life and know that you have incredible value!

You owe it to yourself to put your personal growth at the forefront of your priorities. Don’t be separated from the vine. Get close to people who can encourage your personal growth and push you forward into your goals and future.

You deserve success and you deserve to Unleash your Growth. That is to be the best version of who you are, to have success and leave the legacy you have only ever dreamed of.

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Thanks Team!

Thank-you to the incredible vine of people who helped me explode exponentially this past week and to my family for holding fort in my absence!

#UnleashYourUnscathedBeauty #UnleashYourGrowth #UnscathedBeauty #Kelly Humphries #Success #Purpose #PersonalDevelopment #destiny #AuthenticEducation

Well done guys, you are getting toward the end of my 5-point plan to shine your best light in 2017! Are you ready to step up… and step out?

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You should have now made your commitments for 2017, and written your 5x Statements of Achievement for each one of your commitments.

 

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NOW… you can go ahead and move into how you are going to make these things happen! That is your 5x Actions to Accomplishment. This is essentially how you are going to achieve your commitments. You need to ensure that you make these actions achievable- and not things that you cannot possibly do; or we set ourselves up to fail. These of course can be changed, added to, increased or decreased. Why? Because life is busy, so put in what you know you can achieve, and then add more as you feel your capacity grow.

It looks like this… utilising point 1 from my Statements of Achievement-

My 5x Actions to Accomplishment are ways in which you will achieve each of your 5x Statements of Achievement. You can then add these into your schedule or calendar as you see fit and to what you believe you can achieve.

i.e. I am committed to my own personal Growth.

  1. Read 6 personal growth books during 2017
  2. Continue attending Toastmasters Meetings monthly
  3. Find an appropriate mentor by March, 2017
  4. Attend 2 Self Development courses during 2017
  5. Complete an individual development plan for 2017

actions-to-accomplishmentAll you then need to do is slot this into your calendar as you feel is appropriate.

You have done extremely well if you have decided to give this a go. I know I have much more clarity about what I am doing as a result of mapping out my own plan. It takes humility and conviction to which if you are still with me you already have.

5x Statements of Commitment (your unwavering commitments)

5 x Statements of Achievement (what will help you achieve your commitment)

5 X Actions of Accomplishment. (Actions in order to fulfil your achievements)

So now go ahead and set your actions to accomplishment and start moving towards your own personal success plan!

You deserve success. You deserve to achieve incredible things. You are made uniquely, for a unique purpose! Don’t miss it by allowing it to pass you by! Keep walking, moving, and pushing forward. Fix your eyes on the destination, the purpose and the intention. One goal at a time, you will get there!

For steps 1-4 see the following links!

You can find step 1/5 HERE

You can find step 2/5 HERE

You can find step 3/5 HERE

You can find step 4/5 HERE

 

Congratulations!

 

#Writing #Dreams #5pointplan #UnscathedBeauty #Foundations#Author #KellyHumphries #SexualAbuse #Success #Purpose #Change The World #StepUp

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So now you have made your commitments you are ready to move on to the next phase of the 5-point plan to shine your incredible unique light in 2017. Now we look towards creating the next step and this is your 5x Statements of Achievement. Well done for getting this far along!

 

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I have provided an example below of what this looks like.

Remember these are my personal 5x Core Commitments (yours may look slightly different, but as I said in my fist blog of this series, we are all fundamentally the same)

  • I am committed to my faith/spirituality. (God/connection/meaning- purpose)
  • I am committed to myself. (Me and my personal wellbeing and growth)
  • I am committed to my family. (Immediate/those who represent family)
  • I am committed to my friends. (Close Circle- followed my outer circle (you can only do so much with your time!))
  • I am committed to my career. (Passion, Occupation)

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My five Statements of achievement are what I believe will ensure I fulfil my commitments. So to show you what 5x Statements of Achievement look like I have worked with my own commitment number 2.

2- I am committed to myself.

My 5x Statements of Achievement for commitment number 2 are as follows.

  1. I am committed to my personal growth.
  2. I am committed to my physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
  3. I am committed to my personal healing.
  4. I am committed to being kind to myself.
  5. I am committed to being passionate.

5-core-commitments-and-statements-of-achievementEach one of your commitments should have their own statements of achievement. When you are making these statements think about the things that have meaning and purpose for you. For example, I am committed to my healing because of what has occurred in my life, I know I need to allow myself space to explore my own healing (this year) I want to be the best advocate for change that I can be when it comes to making the world a safer place for our kids. I feel that to give myself that space will allow me to be stronger, and more capable when it gets hard.

I am not content to allow my past to define me, rather allow myself to become the diamond in the rock and shine my best light. So make your commitments appropriate to your needs. It might be your education, your diet, your personal safety or whatever the case is. It is what is important in your life NOW.

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Take time with these: it matters. You matter, you can do this, and you are worth it. As Dr Steve Mariboli says, “Intent reveals desire; Action reveals commitment.”

You can find step 1/5 HERE

You can find step 2/5 HERE

You can find step 3/5 HERE

 

# KellyHumphriesSpeaker #UnscathedBeauty #Foundations #Commitment #SexualAbuse #5pointplan #SexualViolence

 

 

Is your house made of straw or is your house made of bricks?

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You have already started the process by giving yourself the opportunity to get yourself set for 2017 and committing to a plan for your OWN success. Congratulations on getting to step 3!

If your still reading that means that you are indeed committed to the journey and I congratulate you! Thanks for sticking with me.

screen-shot-2016-12-30-at-11-00-08-amAs I said earlier I took myself on a 10-day journey of discovery in how to overcome trauma. Part of that journey was about stepping into my OWN success despite adversity. So while I contemplated life over a campfire in the bush, I
started my 5-point plan with a set of commitments. Before I was able to make any kind of commitments I needed to know what I valued and what was important to me.

SO… before you start on you 2017 plan lets ponder what it is that you are willing to commit to and what you feel that you can commit to.

There is no point making a commitment that you  cannot fulfil.

If you are reading this, you will be the first to know how Kel’s going to get it done… (Certainly not without help!) Everything comes back to the 5 commitments that you will choose to make. These are the things that you will not waver on.

To show you what I mean- this is at the core of my personal 5-point success plan there is no compromise on these because you must have a strong foundation in order maintain your focus and position. My head is set and ready- now it’s time to get committed.

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Kel’s 5 Core Commitments.

  • I am committed to my faith/spirituality. (God/connection/meaning- purpose)
  • I am committed to myself. (my personal growth and wellbeing)
  • I am committed to my family. (Immediate/those who represent family)
  • I am committed to my friends. (Close Circle)
  • I am committed to my career. (Passion, Occupation)

See if you can mimic these 5x commitment with the understanding that commitment is about being dedicated and devoted to a cause. That is YOU.

In the next blog we will look at how we move into the next part of the plan. The next step is 5 x Statements of Achievement (what will help you achieve your commitment) and 5 X Actions to Accomplishment. (Actions in order to fulfil your achievements)

If I can do this- little farm girl Kel… you can do this; wherever you are! Just don’t give up!

You can find step 1 HERE

You can find step 2 HERE

#Dreams #Purpose #Sexual Abuse #Foundations #Success #Play Hard #Speaker #KellyHumphries # KellyHumphriesSpeaker #Courage

meme-blog2-of-5Where’s your head at?

It’s that time of year- where we think about what’s to come, and what we want to achieve – although its flying past already! Maybe you are feeling stagnant? Is it that you are turning things over and over in your head and seemingly can’t escape the rat race to find clarity? Are you desperate to move forward…or at least just move? Maybe you are already moving- well done my friend!

As I write this series I find myself smashing a Santa cookie with my cup of tea, I am grateful, for all I have, all I am and all those who love and support me… It’s Boxing Day, I have eaten too much food as usual… so I can forgive the Santa cookie- for today!

I am humbled. I reflect and start to think about the millions of things I want to do this year. I find that familiar feeling of frustration creeping back again, my anxiety sending up the hair on the back of my neck, and I find myself thinking- “How am I even going to get even one of these things achieved?”

Sometimes having ideation as my number one skill can be very difficult to balance let alone feel balanced at all. I need to ask myself, “where am I looking today? Where’s my head at?

I decided to try a few new things this year and I recently did a 10-day journey of self-discovery in overcoming trauma after my own childhood nightmare. I will share this journey with you over the next 12 months, but part of this journey was about how to move forward and step into my OWN success. I have already been a successful athlete and faced my share of adversity in this life, but as old scars have reopened I have found myself facing new hurdles, with old skills.

I needed a new plan and as I shared in my previous blog, I like things to be simple. We don’t need to be creative geniuses to have a personal development plan. You don’t need to be a CEO of a large business. If you are the boss of a household; that is a big enough job. EVERYONE deserves the best chance to succeed at life. Everyone deserves to find their #UnscathedBeauty.

To do this, to make my own personal development plan – I had to ask myself some questions, and get very real with myself. It was time to face up to the things that hurt so I could chase my dreams without carrying around a large weight on my shoulders. It is time to be brave people… I don’t want to be bitter and resentful when that time comes because I never achieved my hearts own desires. My encouragement to you would be the following:

  • Give yourself the quality time and space to make a plan- you deserve to be your best, and your best can take time. (set yourself a date and time and stick to it) you may need a few hours.
  • Find someone who is willing to be your accountability partner, someone who can help you achieve success, and help you answer the tough questions- without dulling your flame. This person may not be your spouse or partner but someone outside your immediate circle.
  • Be willing to get very real with yourself, face your fears and be humble enough to admit your own strengths and weaknesses. (This is what gives you the space to grow and understand your purpose)
  • Be committed to the process. (Like I said I have tried to make it simple- I don’t do complicated so roll with it and you will be surprised at the outcome) If for some reason its not working for you I will be happy to help clarify.

I also came up with 5 belief statements that act as Mantra’s- they are to help me stay true to my own self and pushing towards my goals. I would encourage you to do the same- you can borrow mine or make statements that will drive you this year.

For example.

1- I have integrity

2- I am valuable

3- I am focussed

4- I am passionate

5- I will make a difference

What this does is creates a mindset for success- its like ploughing and fertilising a field before planting the seeds. You have to have your head right!

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Take the time to answer the tough questions. You are worth the effort and the journey to success. As Debi Auger- a business professional says, “Before you can master your business- or your life, you must first master your mindset.”

Stay tuned for part 3 moving into your best- Kel’s 5-point plan for success.

You can find step 1/5 here.

 

 

 

 

 

#Personal Development #KellyHumphries #5pointplan #Author #Success #SexualAbuse. #Overcome