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Don’t be a goose; know these 12 physical signs of sexual abuse.

WARNING: content not appropriate for children under the age of 15 yrs, but hey- a contextually and age appropriate conversation with your children raising some awareness around this topic is always a good thing. 

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Your Questions Answered Series… Blog 3 – You asked and these are my answers. What am I doing? You can read about it here.

I have shared with you the definition and the scope of sexual violence (here is the LINK). I have also shared in my last blog the behavioural indicators of sexual abuse (LINK) and now this is a look at 12x physical signs of sexual abuse. Remember with anything- all of us have a duty to assess what we see and consider whether a child or anybody for that matter needs assistance. We should consider if what is occurring, what is seen and what is heard needs to be reported. If your not sure about something- ask more questions, it’s best if they are open ended and this allows for more communication to occur and there is less pressure on the victim).

Be brave; don’t be afraid to ask questions! Be afraid not to, because living with the guilt is much harder than saying I tried… Your questions may save a life, but be gentle… and be gently persistent, especially if you really do believe that something is happening. IMG_5726

I can tell you right now that this is a really tough series of blogs to put together, and if you are reading along, I want to acknowledge you for your willingness to be educated and informed. This blog is probably a little harder hitting than the other blogs, because this is the stuff that is hard to hear, hard to talk about and even harder to imagine. (Even hard to write!)

The thing is, this is the reality of it. This is what happens and as a parent, teacher, support worker, legal or medical professional or child-care worker or anyone who is around children and young people, this is what the physical signs of sexual abuse and violence include.

As I said in the Screaming Silence of Sexual abuse, these are not usually seen as a singular entity. If child abuse of any kind (physical, emotional or psychological) is occurring, it is usually displayed via a number of signs, symptoms and behavioural traits that indicate that something is ‘not right.’ That something may be explained by a few simple questions. i.e How are you doing? Are you feeling ok? I see that your not playing sport today, can you tell me whats happened? Remind the child that you are a safe person and encourage conversation.

Physical Signs of Sexual Abuse:

  • Burning sensations during urination and any bowel movements. (Caused by irritation, infection and or pain as a result of foreign bodies, or sexual penetration.)
  • Self-harm or cutting: (Coping response, but also as a result of a numbing, the victim- in order to feel something tends to cut. This is believed to release some emotion for the victim as well) It can also indicate other types of trauma.
  • Sleep disturbances and nightmares (In a state of anxiety, the victim will be experiencing hyper-vigilance. In my case, I waited up at night to see if he would come… I was looking over my shoulder and I was afraid of what would happen- very difficult to have a peaceful nights sleep)
  • Inserting objects and items into vagina or a boy ‘humping’ or mounting stuffed animals: and/or finding foreign items in genital or rectal areas. (Typically children display what they are taught. A child who knows no better – is simply mimicking what they have been shown. It is also to provide the same biological response, which sadly has been enforced on the child.)
  • Trauma to breasts, bottom, lower abdomen or thighs. (Especially if there is more than just ‘touching’ occurring- there will generally be evidence of trauma to the genital area (Can include bleeding in these areas) (can cause general discomfort and child not wishing to participate in physical activity at school)
  • Pregnancy: (Let’s hope not, but this can and DOES happen)
  • Sexually transmitted diseases. (If a child they may begin to show signs of STI’s, possibly around their mouth, or genital areas especially if there was never any signs previously)
  • Unexplained wetting of pants and even soiling pants. (This is for several reasons… Possibly fear, potential infections in the area, at times to appear less attractive, and due to enlargement in the area as a result of trauma)
  • Abnormal enlargement of vaginal or rectal areas. (Forced trauma to these areas would result in stretching of the area)
  • The presence of semen/sperm. (for obvious reasons)
  • Ongoing infections in genital area– (especially young girls and having frequent Urinary Tract Infections.)
  • Stained or bloodied underwear.

Of all of the signs of sexual abuse and child trauma, while these are the most obvious, unless you are a parent or carer, or are in a position where you are seeing the child getting changed, or living in close proximity to the child, it is quite easy for these signs to go unnoticed. So other things to be aware of could be some of the following:

  • Child does not want to participate in sports or physical activity.
  • Child complains of pain in genital areas, or pain while going to the toilet.
  • Attempts made to cover legs and thighs.
  • Blood or semen in child’s underwear.

Please be a hero to a child suffering from any kind of abuse and report the matter. There is a genuine fear surrounding what we think we see, reporting the matter and subsequently having to go through the process. There are thought such as- What if I am wrong? What if I have to go to court? What if the parent comes after me? What if i do it wrong? 

Just ask… and if your not sure ask… and if you don’t know how… ask…! Better to ask, then to find out that you were right… something was happening and you could have saved them.

And if your wrong…. then so what? Be brave and speak up!

You can do it!

 

Much Love ,

Kel xo

Next Blog: Psychological Signs of Sexual Abuse.

Disclaimer:

Every situation is different and each situation has its own very complex circumstances. There are no hard and fast answers, what I say here is my experience- and my own opinion supported at times by research.

This stuff is not black and white. It just can’t be. What is black and white/ right and wrong is that Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence is never ok, and it is never under any circumstances right.

What is grey is in fact terribly dark… That is the silence that sits surrounding this topic. The shame and absolute fear so heavily laden on the shoulders of victims that the mere thought of speaking brings crippling anxiety and fear.

Lets change that… together.

 

For further support you can click HERE:

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 in Australia.

To report sexual abuse to police- please attend a Police Station or call 131444 for Policelink. (Australia)

To seek support or assistance you can contact me, www.kellyhumphries.com (I am a single entity who can offer advice, and personal coaching. I am not a psychologist or registered counsellor, but I am very approachable and happy to help.

You can contact the Centre for Sexual Violence at http://www.casv.org.au and download any of their brochures and information, and likewise Bravehearts– https://bravehearts.org.au/

For internet related advice please contact The Carly Ryan Foundation http://www.carlyryanfoundation.com

 

#ScreamingSilence #Author #KellyHumphries #KellyHumphriesSpeaker #UnscathedBeauty #Courage #Doyouevenknow #ScreamingSilence #Sexual Abuse

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KH-Manager
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The screaming silence of sexual violence; be informed and know these key behavioural signs!

Awarded the QBANK Everyday Hero Award

Hiding blog 2

If only you had known the signs…right? Would you have still heard the cries? Maybe if you knew- you could see? These are your questions answered. 

The crazy thing about sexual abuse, child trauma or anything that exists in silence is the harsh reality that even in that cloak of silence, the desperate cries of a victim are always there- screaming loudly- right in front of us. Sometimes the scream is so subtle, we cannot hear a thing… but I promise you the victim is screaming, begging for help and desperately trying to be free from what is happening to them.

So how can you tell if sexual abuse is happening? What are the behavioural indicators that something is not right?

To break this up- I will create three separate blogs regarding the signs of Sexual Abuse. Why? Besides being extremely complex, there are more than just the signs to look for. So apologies in advance for the long reads, but I don’t believe it would be fair to anyone to who is suffering in silence to only give you a snippet. There are also the why’s behind a victims behaviour that are important to understand.  I hope to help you see some of them through this blog.

Remember, every situation is different, some behaviours are more ingrained than others, and sometimes, even if we look for the signs, they can be missed. Some indicators may also be symptomatic of other types of trauma and do not generally occur as a singular entity, but are usually coupled with other types of behaviours, and or conditions.

From what I know of my own experience (which you can find some information HERE) and many I have spoken to, a sexual abuse survivor in their desperate battle is ALWAYS willing someone to see, if only they don’t have to say it out loud, and if only they don’t have to feel that guilt and shame. They ache for those chains to be broken and someone to make it stop.

I know, I screamed as loud as I could and yet had no words. I felt like I had no power and I was completely ashamed of who I was and what was happening to me. I wanted to tell. I longed to utter the words to my parents… but I was crippled with fear… learnt from a well seasoned predator.

So how does a survivor or victim talk when they are not using their words? This is a fairly extensive look, but I wanted to cover as much as I could-and a little about the why!  This is of course not exhaustive either… So lets do this…

Let’s start with the behavioural signs of Sexual Abuse.

  • Withdrawal: (very common) – Victim becomes silent, recluse, non committing, clinginess in toddlers, regressive behaviour including bed wetting (when they normally wouldn’t) will either run from home (if things happen in the home or child feels unsafe) or will isolate themselves at home. (This all really depends on age)
  • Shower frequently: Often a victim of abuse will feel dirty and the feeling of having a shower will wash that feeling of shame away.  Sometimes even not showering at all…
  • Detailed and intrinsic understanding of sexual behaviour: A child who is being sexually abused is being exposed to any number of sexual activities, imagery, and grooming behaviour. It goes without saying that they would have a greater understanding of sexual type behaviour. They may also have new names for their private parts. Without getting too complicated, children should know the correct terminology for their anatomy- i.e. Penis and Vagina. The reason is because when giving any kind of evidence, or if they are ever in a position where they need to talk about what has happened to them, they can be very clear and concise about what’s occurred.
  • Sexual themes in drawings, play and conversations: There are many thoughts here. Children express emotions freely through creativity. Furthermore, children who are told to keep secrets need an avenue of expression, which can come out in play. It also comes back to the nature and nurture debate, and that the behaviour is learnt. How do they know to do this if they have not been taught? They may also exhibit signs of sexual abuse through mimicking sexual behaviour with stuffed animals.
  • Feelings of anger:
    • Delinquent behaviour- acting out or no regard for the laws and/or boundaries. Sometimes this is because they feel unvalued and unloved. It can be about attention, but also a child who experiences abuse often copes by becoming numb. Engaging in crime can produce an adrenaline response… then they feel something. Something is better than feeling nothing. This is also one of the reasons a victim may choose to cut.
    • Physically Violent- As above, but also as an expression of anger and emotion they don’t know how to displace. Depending on the abuse they receive it is possible that it is learnt, but more often than not, these victims are projecting an internal emotion.
    • Aggressive behaviour– Again, refer to the above. May also be a way to avoid the abuse… (In a very twisted way, I have had experiences where victims have been groomed in such a way that only good behaviour is rewarded, but to get the “good” thing, they need to do a certain act, being “naughty” or aggressive can mean that abuse is avoided, if the abuse is not then used as a punishment. In a round about way… a child cannot win and is mostly confused, angry, emotional and lives in a hyper-vigilant highly anxious state.
  • Change of eating habits: either refuses to eat, or over eats.
  • Nightmares and insomnia: the victim will most likely feel unsafe like going to sleep will expose them. It is also an indication of stress.
  • Suicidal/suicide ideation: This really belongs in psychological signs, however you can at times have a child who says they want to kill themselves as a means to attract the attention they need. Generally speaking this is a huge cry for help, but this can also become a huge part of how a child behaves… in a way that they want to die. (I don’t believe that this is very common- this is more of a Psychological thing where a child would actually be considering ways to kill themselves)
  • Imaginary friends: in children who have experienced significant trauma, a means of coping called disassociation can occur where a child can develop multiple personalities, or imaginary friends. You may see children chatting to themselves and not making a whole lot of sense. (This is obviously quite complex and is also a psychological sign, however still becomes quite a behavioural trait if occurring) (In later blogs I will explore coping strategies.)
  • Overly compliant behaviour: (people pleasing) young people who have been abused and exposed to ongoing long and protracted grooming behaviours are often overly helpful and pleasing. Probably the most difficult thing to spot or get a sense that something was off… as we would always love having an overly pleasing child, but it is very needy type behaviour you are looking for. A little more intimate, clingy and desperate. Your intuitions will show you and you will sense something is off. This is to avoid conflict, to keep the peace, and protect their safety bubble.
  • Drug and Alcohol use: not so much in the younger children but as a child gets older they may start to abuse substances in order to cope. This is also a mask for many traumas and undisclosed issues.
  • Prostitution and unexplained money or gifts that your child may be in possession of: depending on the nature of the abuse and what is actually occurring a child may get ‘gifts’ for sexual acts or in exchange for doing a sexual act. It may also be a progression towards a sexual act in the form of grooming. For Example, the child may be asked to take off their clothes and have their picture taken- all they have to do is pose and they get $50. It may seem harmless enough to the child, but this image is then used to make child exploitation material as a naked adult can then be edited into the image and sold. This is why you should be very mindful about what images you post of your child on FB or instagram etc.… they can be copied, and edited and your child or family member then exploited. Furthermore, depending on their age and location in the world, for some young people they are prostitutes and like adults in prostitution, trade money for sex.
  • Fear of adults- the same sex as the abuser: My mum noticed me recoil in fear one day as my Uncle was trying to help me into the car after I had been injured, I remember it clearly; however I didn’t know that anyone else had seen. Looking back now I know I was afraid of him and at times felt threatened by other men. I never knew then, as it was a very subconscious process. For a child experiencing abuse, this could be a complicated issue.
  • Fantasy world focus: unable to stay focussed: (A little like adhd) Child may be extremely detached from the real world and often appear disengaged.
  • Child does not want to go home: Child may indicate a preference to live elsewhere, and show obvious signs of trauma when required to go home.
  • Concentration difficulties: Child may be harder to engage and possibly have issues staying on task.
  • Poor relationships with peers: The child who is being abused already will be struggling with who they are and their purpose. Specifically, the child’s personality will undergo a makeover, after the initial sexual abuse encounter  everything is turned upside down and they feel very much alone. This self isolation, poor self esteem and general inability to concentrate, lack of boundaries, makes life very hard for a young victim.
  • Possible dressing as the opposite sex: There are a few thoughts around this – but it is a protective thing in the hope that it doesn’t happen anymore and victim may be less appealing to the abuser if they are the opposite sex. It may also be about appearing tougher, or smaller than they are as a statement of how they feel or to protect themselves. (bear in mind, that sexual abuse has very little to do with a persons disposition towards one sex or another)
  • Lack of boundaries: Kids who have experienced trauma tend to also experience a lack of boundary control. This could be walking into the shower while someone else is in there, taking clothes off in public, inappropriate touching of strangers, unhealthy attachment to other adults and even those they don’t know and;
  • Secretly hiding what they are doing online: Not openly sharing passwords, or information about who they are talking too. Be aware of any new names popping up who you don’t know and where it appears that details are being left out when your child talks about this person or is asked about this person. For more information on Internet and safe strategies online head to http://www.carlyryanfoundation.com.

The best way you can tell is making sure that you have an open and connected relationship with your child. Get to know what they do and don’t like, how they act and communicate. When they are not their ‘normal’ self, then you know something is not right. You are the closest person to your child.

Remember there is always help available. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask questions and report what has happened.

Take care and chat soon,

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Much Love,

Kel xo

 

 

To see the definition of sexual abuse and what that looks like click HERE:

NEXT BLOG: Physical Signs of Sexual Abuse.

Disclaimer:

Every situation is different and each situation has its own very complex circumstances. There are no hard and fast answers, what I say here is my experience- and my own opinion supported at times by research.

This stuff is not black and white. It just can’t be. What is black and white/ right and wrong is that Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence is never ok, and it is never under any circumstances right.

What is grey is in fact terribly dark… That is the silence that sits surrounding this topic. The shame and absolute fear so heavily laden on the shoulders of victims that the mere thought of speaking brings crippling anxiety and fear.

Lets change that… together.

 

For further support you can click HERE:

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 in Australia.

To report sexual abuse to police- please attend a Police Station or call 131444 for Policelink. (Australia)

To seek support or assistance you can contact me, www.kellyhumphries.com (I am a single entity who can offer advice, and personal coaching. I am not a psychologist or registered counsellor, but I am very approachable and happy to help.

You can contact the Centre for Sexual Violence at http://www.casv.org.au and download any of their brochures and information, and likewise Bravehearts– https://bravehearts.org.au/

For internet related advice please contact The Carly Ryan Foundation http://www.carlyryanfoundation.com

 

#ScreamingSilence #Author #KellyHumphries #KellyHumphriesSpeaker #UnscathedBeauty #Courage #Doyouevenknow #ScreamingSilence

 

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KH-Manager
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The Hideous Deception- Sexual Violence Defined…

What is IT? Sexual Abuse defined; but with a difference…

What is Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence?

Well… I’m so glad you asked… and you did- thankyou. It goes without saying that we should get a few things straight if we are going to delve into sexual abuse and sexual violence and try to understand how and what to do when these awful things turn up in life. Makes sense to get the foundations right- right?

For Blog 1 What is sexual Violence

Before I start- if you are reading my blog for the first time, you can find a bit more about what I am doing, and who I am by clicking HERE. It is my heart to break cycles of Child trauma and abuse through education, empowerment, understanding and creating transformation. Why? Because every victim is one too many- it happened to me and if I can stop it happening to just one other child, or family, then I have done something good. One step at a time, one day at a time, together we can make a difference…

There are many areas to consider when trying to define sexual violence and abuse- so it is actually a little bit difficult to give a clear cut answer- but hey I’ll try.

There are many avenues of violation that can occur and it is for that reason some people, organisations and certain areas of governments may place sexual abuse and assault under the banner of Sexual Violence– to make it easier.

The scope of sexual violence can stretch to include child pornography, making Child Exploitation Material (that is existing both in the home and in an online space), Incest, Rape, or any sexual act, innuendo or the like committed against any person (Adult or Child) without consent.

Additionally, we cannot forget Internet crimes which account for a large percentage of the statistics, whether it be a initial online meeting – followed up by meeting in person to conduct a sexual act, showing of images which include pornography or demanding a child perform sexual acts over the internet, or grooming (to name a few). For our teens, a majority of our young people think that sending a nude pic over their phone or being made to send a nude pic is now a ‘normal’ element of dating- or even an expectation if you are going to ‘go out’ with someone.

There are teens (and even adults) whose ideas of healthy relationships involve violent sex and raping a girl or on the odd occasion a girl forcing a guy because of what they see online. The victims, both male and female are either uninformed or too afraid to report what is happening. I want to make sure we know that none of this is okay!

On the more extreme side of this are things there are horrific stories of sex trafficking, child pornography rings, human trafficking and sex slavery. These are all real issues and have or do occur at some level in Australia and across the world. (topic for another day!) Essentially, Sexual Violence itself is very broad and essentially can be covered in one sentence- Sexual Violence is basically anything of a sexual nature where consent cannot be given, or is not given.

Defined: So while the term is very broad- If we want to get technical about Sexual Violence there is a great definition in the Miller-Keane Encyclopedia and Dictionary of Medicine, Nursing and Allied Health…

“Sexual Abuse any act of a sexual nature performed in a criminal manner, as with a child or with a non-consenting adult, including rape, incest, oral copulation, and penetration of genital or anal opening with a foreign object. The term also includes lewd or lascivious acts with a child; any sexual act that could be expected to trouble or offend another person when done by someone motivated by sexual interest; acts related to sexual exploitation, such as those related to pornography, prostitution involving minors, or coercion of minors to perform obscene acts.” {Including over the internet}

Each one of these individual areas which make up sexual violence, i.e. Rape have their own individual criteria, which explained, are all very different. If you think it would be helpful; I can certainly write about each one for you, please send me a message or make a comment below about what you want to learn and I will do my best.

Basically the thing that needs to be understood is CONSENT. U16- no consent can be given. If you want a really clear-cut understanding of consent you should check out this small 2-minute YouTube clip, which talks about consent. You can check it out HERE. The feedback I have received around the issue of consent is very blurry and can sometimes leave people getting into a great deal of trouble because they do not understand consent.

Putting it simply- a child under the age of 12 (in Australia) cannot give consent- ever. A child between the ages of 12-16 cannot give consent either, however, some consideration could be given if perhaps one party was 17 and the other was 15; if the older party was of the belief that the ‘victim’ was 16.

Regardless, if something was happening and there was sexual behaviour occurring between two ‘consenting’ 15 year olds, it is possible that both could be investigated. Each case reported to police will be assessed individually.

Because I have some creative juices flowing- I threw this little poem together which perhaps will give you a unique insight as to what sexual abuse and violence sounds like. This is of course based on my own experience.

The Hideous Deception

 

It does sound kinda yuck, in fact yuck it kinda sounds
I don’t like it when you talk about it,
Makes me wanna frown.
It makes me angry, makes me sad,
Makes me wanna cry,
It really is the very thing that makes me wanna die.
It is forced and not consensual,
Nothing about “this sex’ is sensual,
Reminds me of the numb I feel.
The years of abuse, the raw deal.
Exploited, thwarted, cavorted and played.
Groomed, pruned and broke.
Nothing could have prepared me,
For the cunning words you spoke.
Coercion, distortion, things out of proportion,
Extortion, repulsion- it’s Rape…
Confusion, delusion, hate;
I wish I had understood the hideous transgression,
Makes me feel kinda bent,
Like my innocence, I’m not your possession,
Thank God, for my own inception.
I found my strength to conquer this hideous deception.
 
Kelly Humphries – 2017

 

While that is an individual expression of what Sexual Violence may be to one person, the effects of any sexual offence and personal violation of any kind can be far reaching.

If you are someone who has read this and feels that they have had an offence occur IMG_0044against them of a sexual nature, please get some support. You can find support links HERE. I would encourage you to connect with people who will understand your situation, and can provide appropriate advice. I would also encourage you to speak to Police, make a report and get advice. (more on this in future blogs)

Take care and stay safe!

 

Much Love

Kel XO

 

 

 

 

#KellyHumphriesSpeaker #YourQuestionsAnswered #Resilience #HideousDeception #BreakTheCycle #Purpose #UnscathedBeauty #SexualAbuse #SexualViolence #KelsPoems #KellyHumphries

 

 

 

Disclaimer:

Every situation is different and each situation has its own very complex circumstances. There are no hard and fast answers, what I say here is my experience- and my own opinion supported at times by research.

This stuff is not black and white. It just can’t be. What is black and white/ right and wrong is that Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence is never ok, and it is never under any circumstances right.

What is grey is in fact terribly dark… That is the silence that sits surrounding this topic. The shame and absolute fear so heavily laden on the shoulders of victims that the mere thought of speaking brings crippling anxiety and fear.

Lets change that… together. #LetsMakeChange

 

 

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 in Australia.

To report sexual abuse to police- please attend a Police Station or call 131444 for Policelink. (Australia)

To seek support or assistance you can contact me, www.kellyhumphries.com (I am a single entity who can offer advice, and personal coaching. I am not a psychologist or registered counsellor, but I am very approachable and happy to help.

You can contact the Centre for Sexual Violence at http://www.casv.org.au and download any of their brochures and information, and likewise Bravehearts- https://bravehearts.org.au/

For internet related advice please contact The Carly Ryan Foundation http://www.carlyryanfoundation.com

 

Reference:

Miller-Keane Encyclopedia and Dictionary of Medicine, Nursing, and Allied Health, Seventh Edition. © 2003 by Saunders, an imprint of Elsevier, Inc. [online] Available at: http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/sexual+abuse [10/04/2017]

Special Thanks to Katrina Weeks- Centre for Sexual Violence Logan for her collaboration.

/by
KH-Manager
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Do you want to know how to prevent sexual abuse? You asked… and I am responding.

FOR BLOG Intro Sexual Abuse Series.jpeg

Some time ago I put up a Facebook post asking people what they wanted to know when it comes to sexual abuse, assault and child trauma. I believe I am qualified to answer most of the questions posed to me- I was a victim myself, for a period of 8 years my Uncle took it upon himself to sexually abuse me. He groomed me, he groomed my family and now- I am trying to do something so our families, friends and communities are safer. What am I doing? I am sharing my story, being a voice, encouraging, connecting, writing and anything else that brings this topic out of the shadows. I speak for those who cannot, and I am a voice, to give hope…hopefully, and bring light into this dark space. I am learning, and I am growing.

I have had 10 years of frontline policing work with a significant amount of time working with young people. I have a degree in psychology, and health and fitness. I have been an athlete for over 27 years, and now I am a certified Results Coach and John Maxwell Team Coach.

While I may not have all the technical terms, what I will share with you over the coming weeks and months will be as real as I can be. The way I see it, for the everyday person we rarely know where to look to find the answers to these profound questions. Questions like, ‘How do I know if my child is being groomed? What do I look for to see if my child is being sexually abused? How can I forgive them, the perpetrator for what happened? Is this my fault? Why did this happen? Why do paedophiles offend?

We are afraid of the answers, we are afraid of the truth; let’s face it- some of us are afraid of the questions at all. I was afraid of the answers too, and it wasn’t until I wrote my book- to be published this year #UnscathedBeauty that I realised how much I had been hiding, not only from the world, but from myself.

We can so easily find ourselves caught between morals and societal expectations around whether this thing called Sexual abuse, or rape or any kind of sexual anything should be spoken about, or even if it’s ‘proper’ to ask. The courage and strength it takes to go through this journey (However that looks) is exceptionally hard to find, but once you know how, it can be done and you will realise; parent, friend, supporter, or whoever you are on this journey that you really do have what it takes.

I know how hard it is… even though many may see me as a tough, strong woman… I can be afraid. Fear can take over… and sometimes I am not tough at all. I don’t feel that strength and I have to dig way deep into the recesses of my mind and find those slivers of courage- and it’s because these fears don’t go away… the fear of judgement, the fear of speaking at all. There is always something that lingers… but we just get better at talking and coping, and it gets easier. It gets easier when people connect, collaborate and validate. I have learnt that I am okay, I can talk, I can speak and I can write… though that wasn’t always true.

Now it is. If you want to join me on my journey- if you want to know the answers. Then connect with me. Like my Facebook Page, collaborate with me-and lets change how this whole space looks. Get brave with me! I am asking you to please share this blog, get people to follow along. You can also follow through Facebook or Twitter.

We can make a difference. You can make a difference.

#KellyHumphriesSpeaker. #UnscathedBeauty #BreakTheCycle #SayNo

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KH-Manager
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Sing my little Bluebird- the time to fly is now.

world is your playground

“An enduring symbol of happiness is the delightful little Bluebird. Bluebird beckons the day with the simple pleasures and sings the song that happiness is possible, it is the gift you give to yourself. If you are going through a dark time, Bluebirds remind us that things will be brighter, just hold on and get through this day” 

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When I was just a small child someone in my family- probably my beautiful mother bought me a Bluebird badge. Engraved with my name, I never knew for sure what it meant- or did I? Recently when looking for photos for my book, #UnscathedBeauty I found my Bluebird badge. I started to put things together in my mind and I realised just how much this enduring symbol of happiness had sat with me. How I had held on… for dear life.

IMG_7604

Me- about 5 years old. 

I would pray, from the very depths of my soul for Jesus to come and rescue me, that he would make me into a bird so I could fly far away, so I could be happy. So I could get away from him, my abusive uncle. In hindsight, I was mostly happy as a child and prayers were answered, i just didnt know it then. How? While all this sexual abuse I had been going through kept happening- I held so tight to the simple things in life. The moments of joy, the cow poo fights with my brother, pushing my sister around in the washing basket and dancing in the rain in my underwear. The smell of mums cooking and baiting a hook while fishing with dad- not to mention catching a fish! Those were the simple things in life that made the darkness fall away, like the rain that washed me clean, and like my prayers that were sent to heaven, love restored me in a way that I could continue for another day. While the battle has raged for years, peaks and troughs… highs and lows, we learn, and life teaches us how to survive. Putting it simply, it gets better because we get better. We learn and grow.

See I did learn a lesson from the Bluebird… I learnt to hold on and I learnt to how to be free- it just took a while. I also learnt patience. I learnt to wait until it was safe and the time was right to fly…

I don’t know who wrote this poem- ‘the bluebird’, only that in my dreams I flew and still do, every night- Thats what I did- that is how I dreamed…that is also how I survived. 

The Bluebird while just a symbol has been a symbol which has held firm in the background of my life. As I looked up the Bluebird on the ever faithful google, so many things refer to the Bluebird being stuck in your heart… oh the metaphors… pretty little Bluebird… your time to fly is now. As I get close to the publishing of my book, I see how far I have come, and all that has been achieved.

If you are in a dark space, a struggle, a situation or circumstance that you feel you can find no way out of, take a lesson from me… from the Bluebird… hold on. Hold on to the moments of love and happiness in your life and embrace them. It may be the simplest thing, but when you are ready to look up again- you will find you are stronger, more courageous than ever before and the world really is your playground.

Much Love xo Kel

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I don’t know who wrote this, only that in my dreams I fly, and every night- Thats what I did- that is also how I survived. 

 

#Bluebird #UnscathedBeauty #KellyHumphries #SexualAbuse #Don’tGiveUp #courage #KellyHumphriesSpeaker #OvercomingAbuse #morethanalabel #Author #Change The World

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Are you de-vined by your past or are you ready to unleash your growth?

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“Sometimes we dare to dream we have the ability to do something powerful: a thing, which holds meaning and purpose. Sometimes we are even brave enough to allow ourselves an opportunity to do that ‘thing’ we have always dreamed about doing. Even fewer times do we allow ourselves permission to actually do it!” Kelly Humphries- Author, Speaker, Coach

I believe that we all desire to succeed in our own way; to be the best that we can be and do something incredible with our lives.

Often times though we are clouded by life and the situations that surround us. We cannot see past our crisis and it’s easy to become buried, dark, depressed and lack lustre about life. We seek to understand and feel misunderstood. We grind through life, we hope and fall on our faces eating dirt and feel the whole world is on a vendetta to get at us.

Well, luckily… we have a choice… we can be de-vined by our painful past, situations or circumstances or we can choose to hold on to the vine and grow out of control.

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I am reminded of this simple thing after spending a week in Sydney just recently, becoming an accredited results coach. I was all a-buzz with the collective consciousness, the incredible energy that permeated the training room and the sheer passion and enthusiasm of the other coaches to make a difference to others lives.

The vine was alive and full of life, and by choosing to be vulnerable, seek insight and tapping into the strength and knowledge of the others around me, I grew leaps and bounds in a mere 6 days. Growth can be found anywhere though, you just need to look for it. Seek like minded people. Be disciplined and choose to challenge your limitations by stretching through your comfort zone. You can do it!

I am now more congruent than ever with my message of finding, stepping into and unleashing my Unscathed Beauty- That is all you are and all you are meant to be despite life and all that occurs around you which would seek to bring you down. You have power and dominion over that darkness and can choose to walk in the light. Just decide!

So I ask you… what vine are you clinging to? Is it encouraging your growth? Is it inhibiting your freedom to move and step forward into the path you desire? Is your past keeping you locked in the shadows.

Grasp hold of your passion and purpose for this life and know that you have incredible value!

You owe it to yourself to put your personal growth at the forefront of your priorities. Don’t be separated from the vine. Get close to people who can encourage your personal growth and push you forward into your goals and future.

You deserve success and you deserve to Unleash your Growth. That is to be the best version of who you are, to have success and leave the legacy you have only ever dreamed of.

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Thanks Team!

Thank-you to the incredible vine of people who helped me explode exponentially this past week and to my family for holding fort in my absence!

#UnleashYourUnscathedBeauty #UnleashYourGrowth #UnscathedBeauty #Kelly Humphries #Success #Purpose #PersonalDevelopment #destiny #AuthenticEducation

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Kels’ 5-Point Plan to achieve in 2017- Part 4/5-Building blocks, not stumbling rocks!

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So now you have made your commitments you are ready to move on to the next phase of the 5-point plan to shine your incredible unique light in 2017. Now we look towards creating the next step and this is your 5x Statements of Achievement. Well done for getting this far along!

 

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I have provided an example below of what this looks like.

Remember these are my personal 5x Core Commitments (yours may look slightly different, but as I said in my fist blog of this series, we are all fundamentally the same)

  • I am committed to my faith/spirituality. (God/connection/meaning- purpose)
  • I am committed to myself. (Me and my personal wellbeing and growth)
  • I am committed to my family. (Immediate/those who represent family)
  • I am committed to my friends. (Close Circle- followed my outer circle (you can only do so much with your time!))
  • I am committed to my career. (Passion, Occupation)

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My five Statements of achievement are what I believe will ensure I fulfil my commitments. So to show you what 5x Statements of Achievement look like I have worked with my own commitment number 2.

2- I am committed to myself.

My 5x Statements of Achievement for commitment number 2 are as follows.

  1. I am committed to my personal growth.
  2. I am committed to my physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
  3. I am committed to my personal healing.
  4. I am committed to being kind to myself.
  5. I am committed to being passionate.

5-core-commitments-and-statements-of-achievementEach one of your commitments should have their own statements of achievement. When you are making these statements think about the things that have meaning and purpose for you. For example, I am committed to my healing because of what has occurred in my life, I know I need to allow myself space to explore my own healing (this year) I want to be the best advocate for change that I can be when it comes to making the world a safer place for our kids. I feel that to give myself that space will allow me to be stronger, and more capable when it gets hard.

I am not content to allow my past to define me, rather allow myself to become the diamond in the rock and shine my best light. So make your commitments appropriate to your needs. It might be your education, your diet, your personal safety or whatever the case is. It is what is important in your life NOW.

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Take time with these: it matters. You matter, you can do this, and you are worth it. As Dr Steve Mariboli says, “Intent reveals desire; Action reveals commitment.”

You can find step 1/5 HERE

You can find step 2/5 HERE

You can find step 3/5 HERE

 

# KellyHumphriesSpeaker #UnscathedBeauty #Foundations #Commitment #SexualAbuse #5pointplan #SexualViolence

 

 

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Kels’ 5-Point Plan to Achieve in 2017- Part 3/5- Laying Your Foundations!

Is your house made of straw or is your house made of bricks?

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You have already started the process by giving yourself the opportunity to get yourself set for 2017 and committing to a plan for your OWN success. Congratulations on getting to step 3!

If your still reading that means that you are indeed committed to the journey and I congratulate you! Thanks for sticking with me.

screen-shot-2016-12-30-at-11-00-08-amAs I said earlier I took myself on a 10-day journey of discovery in how to overcome trauma. Part of that journey was about stepping into my OWN success despite adversity. So while I contemplated life over a campfire in the bush, I
started my 5-point plan with a set of commitments. Before I was able to make any kind of commitments I needed to know what I valued and what was important to me.

SO… before you start on you 2017 plan lets ponder what it is that you are willing to commit to and what you feel that you can commit to.

There is no point making a commitment that you  cannot fulfil.

If you are reading this, you will be the first to know how Kel’s going to get it done… (Certainly not without help!) Everything comes back to the 5 commitments that you will choose to make. These are the things that you will not waver on.

To show you what I mean- this is at the core of my personal 5-point success plan there is no compromise on these because you must have a strong foundation in order maintain your focus and position. My head is set and ready- now it’s time to get committed.

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Kel’s 5 Core Commitments.

  • I am committed to my faith/spirituality. (God/connection/meaning- purpose)
  • I am committed to myself. (my personal growth and wellbeing)
  • I am committed to my family. (Immediate/those who represent family)
  • I am committed to my friends. (Close Circle)
  • I am committed to my career. (Passion, Occupation)

See if you can mimic these 5x commitment with the understanding that commitment is about being dedicated and devoted to a cause. That is YOU.

In the next blog we will look at how we move into the next part of the plan. The next step is 5 x Statements of Achievement (what will help you achieve your commitment) and 5 X Actions to Accomplishment. (Actions in order to fulfil your achievements)

If I can do this- little farm girl Kel… you can do this; wherever you are! Just don’t give up!

You can find step 1 HERE

You can find step 2 HERE

#Dreams #Purpose #Sexual Abuse #Foundations #Success #Play Hard #Speaker #KellyHumphries # KellyHumphriesSpeaker #Courage

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Kels’ 5-Point Plan to Achieve in 2017- Part 2/5- Where’s your head at?

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It’s that time of year- where we think about what’s to come, and what we want to achieve – although its flying past already! Maybe you are feeling stagnant? Is it that you are turning things over and over in your head and seemingly can’t escape the rat race to find clarity? Are you desperate to move forward…or at least just move? Maybe you are already moving- well done my friend!

As I write this series I find myself smashing a Santa cookie with my cup of tea, I am grateful, for all I have, all I am and all those who love and support me… It’s Boxing Day, I have eaten too much food as usual… so I can forgive the Santa cookie- for today!

I am humbled. I reflect and start to think about the millions of things I want to do this year. I find that familiar feeling of frustration creeping back again, my anxiety sending up the hair on the back of my neck, and I find myself thinking- “How am I even going to get even one of these things achieved?”

Sometimes having ideation as my number one skill can be very difficult to balance let alone feel balanced at all. I need to ask myself, “where am I looking today? Where’s my head at?

I decided to try a few new things this year and I recently did a 10-day journey of self-discovery in overcoming trauma after my own childhood nightmare. I will share this journey with you over the next 12 months, but part of this journey was about how to move forward and step into my OWN success. I have already been a successful athlete and faced my share of adversity in this life, but as old scars have reopened I have found myself facing new hurdles, with old skills.

I needed a new plan and as I shared in my previous blog, I like things to be simple. We don’t need to be creative geniuses to have a personal development plan. You don’t need to be a CEO of a large business. If you are the boss of a household; that is a big enough job. EVERYONE deserves the best chance to succeed at life. Everyone deserves to find their #UnscathedBeauty.

To do this, to make my own personal development plan – I had to ask myself some questions, and get very real with myself. It was time to face up to the things that hurt so I could chase my dreams without carrying around a large weight on my shoulders. It is time to be brave people… I don’t want to be bitter and resentful when that time comes because I never achieved my hearts own desires. My encouragement to you would be the following:

  • Give yourself the quality time and space to make a plan- you deserve to be your best, and your best can take time. (set yourself a date and time and stick to it) you may need a few hours.
  • Find someone who is willing to be your accountability partner, someone who can help you achieve success, and help you answer the tough questions- without dulling your flame. This person may not be your spouse or partner but someone outside your immediate circle.
  • Be willing to get very real with yourself, face your fears and be humble enough to admit your own strengths and weaknesses. (This is what gives you the space to grow and understand your purpose)
  • Be committed to the process. (Like I said I have tried to make it simple- I don’t do complicated so roll with it and you will be surprised at the outcome) If for some reason its not working for you I will be happy to help clarify.

I also came up with 5 belief statements that act as Mantra’s- they are to help me stay true to my own self and pushing towards my goals. I would encourage you to do the same- you can borrow mine or make statements that will drive you this year.

For example.

1- I have integrity

2- I am valuable

3- I am focussed

4- I am passionate

5- I will make a difference

What this does is creates a mindset for success- its like ploughing and fertilising a field before planting the seeds. You have to have your head right!

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Take the time to answer the tough questions. You are worth the effort and the journey to success. As Debi Auger- a business professional says, “Before you can master your business- or your life, you must first master your mindset.”

Stay tuned for part 3 moving into your best- Kel’s 5-point plan for success.

You can find step 1/5 here.

 

 

 

 

 

#Personal Development #KellyHumphries #5pointplan #Author #Success #SexualAbuse. #Overcome

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Kels’ 5-Point Plan to achieve in 2017- Part 1/5- Getting serious about you!

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Step 1- Knowing you need a plan- committing to the idea.

Knowing why you need a personal development plan is essential.
It doesn’t need to be hard… or complicated… but failing to plan, is planning to fail…

The older I get, the fatter, wrinklier I seem to become and the less I seem to know about some things. While I am not too old, I find that no matter where you go, or who you are- In the words of Ellen DeGeneres “I believe that we can all come together because if you take away the labels, we’re all far more alike than we are different.”

We all get caught up in life. We all seek happiness, love, contentment and satisfaction. For the majority of us, it is a battle. Some of us are better fighters than others, but that does not mean there is not a warrior within capable of withstanding huge adversity and still succeeding. Many of us are restless. I know I am. I know what I want and I can see it… and I am hungry for it.screen-shot-2017-01-02-at-10-28-19-pm

It has not just come over night, and I am far from reaching my goal. I have realized that the childhood adversity I have experienced has cost me greatly in terms of my self-esteem, personal value and my progression. It seems, I have failed time and again.

But despite all that, I have learnt a great deal about myself, how to overcome adversity and with clever planning and support, still achieved incredible things. I believe we all have that #UnscathedBeauty inside of us- the part that no matter what adversity rears it’s head, we hold on to- it is the very core of who we are, our unique and incredible heartbeat. when life beats us up and pulls us off track, sometimes, we don’t even know if we have a heart beat!

I understand that it takes time, discipline and determination to achieve. The world has changed and I sometimes feel caught up in all that is around me. Social media, problems at work, problems with life, illness and injury… This thing called life is damn distracting! It is always going to happen and while I feel like sometimes there is no point… I have come too far to fail because I have not set myself up to succeed.

This is why you need a personal development plan: because we live in a world of chaos, and chaos rules if you cannot hold your own clarity and focus. That is the first step- understanding that you need some kind of plan in order to achieve.

Without a destination, you are just a ship floating on the ocean, running adrift wherever the wind takes you.

I can look at the Internet and find thousands of very overwhelming ways to make a personal development plan… and its seems a little complicated. Being the uncomplicated farm girl that I am I have come up with my own way to do this- and its really simple.

I want to share this with you and help you get set to be the best that you can be, for yourself, your family and your community. You deserve the opportunity to make your mark on this world. So, start thinking about some of these things to get your head in the right space.

What would you like to achieve in your life? What are you passionate about?

I will share with you how you can start achieving in leaps and bounds in 2017 with my 5-point plan for total success.

Stay tuned for part two of being getting set to achieve in 2017

 

 

#Getsettosucceed #KellyHumphries #5pointplan #EllenDeGeneres #Plantosucceed

 

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Who is Kelly Humphries?

Kelly Humphries is a survivor of child sexual abuse, a law enforcement officer, ambassador, author, and advocate. Kel is extremely passionate about breaking cycles of abuse through multiple platforms. Learn more

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