You are valuable and loved - Kelly

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It doesn’t matter how many times I get on stage and speak… there is a moment of truth between knowing I am meant to do this; this is my call… and the thought of, what on earth are they going to think of me? The voice of my childhood has always weighed heavily on me, in the sense that it always floats annoyingly in the back of my mind. It takes commitment to myself and absolute conviction in what I am doing to drown it out.

One of the I have found in myself- and in my own experience of people who have experienced childhood trauma is this: We have learnt to survive based on how people perceive us. Generally, we develop strategies which ensure self preservation, by keeping people in our circles happy and making sure that we are seen as “good.” You are a people pleaser- generally speaking, which in itself is not a bad thing however, we can tend to spend so much of our time trying to make others happy, to keep peace that we very quickly lose sight of our own being.

I firmly believe that this survival mechanism has been formed out of fear- fear of being found out, or the shame of ‘the secret’ being revealed. It is perpetuated by the predator, who plays on this fear as a silent manipulative means to keep you quiet and trapped in your childhood nightmare. “what will mum and dad think of you if they knew…?” So you hold on, and you maintain your image- after all, by keeping people happy, by making sure people like you and by swallowing your hurt and shame, no one will see all of that darkness and shame that you are so afraid to bring out into the open. No one can judge you and no one hurt you. Realistically, the only person who is really judging is yourself. We are always our worst critics, and in most cases the only one who has a negative perception of you, is you! As it turns out, you are like a treasure chest of unexplored strength and character. You are amazing!

I am still afraid, sometimes my strength fades into the dark recesses of my stomach and churns there. Then the prickling sweat of self consciousness rises up and tells me to run. I take a moment and I think about what I have to do and remind myself, people don’t talk about this stuff for a reason- so it is okay to be afraid, but I will not be defined by that fear. I acquit myself of that fear and remember those emotions are not my own, they belong to him, my perpetrator/predator… so I take a breath, I hold myself proud and I know that I will take up that baton no matter how it feels to me- I know it is temporary, and there is a much greater freedom I can give to someone else by being vulnerable.

It has taken me a long time to hold my own image and value, to let go of what I perceive other people will think- at the end of the day they were lies fed to me out of a predators own cowardice and fear. I am strong, I am valuable and I have a mission- No doubt, so do you. Don’t listen to the lies of you past, but hold on to the beautiful person you are, and the courage that is in your heart.

While I plan in the future to speak on many things, sharing the deeply personal journey through overcoming sexual abuse never feels like it is getting easier. When I do speak though, when I begin to bring this issue into the open I feel strength begin to rise, and I know there is no other way- I am doing what I am meant to do. While I am still relatively new to this, I feel like I am exposing my rawness time and time again. I also know that there are stories in every one of us that has the ability to transform the world. When I think of some of the things I have come across in my work as a Police Officer, I feel like my story is really only minor in comparison to what I have seen, heard or dealt. However, I understand the gifts that I have been given to achieve this task and what has happened is opening a door. It’s a heavy door, one that reeks of deception and old age…. It’s dusty, but now is the time to open door and allow light into this very dark place.

I have the ability to make this stand, and remind anyone who has experienced child trauma or sexual abuse that they are not alone, that there is someone who understands their pain, the anger, fear and shame. To bring something so dark out into the light and remind people that no matter where they have come from, or whatever their story that each of us is created uniquely, beautifully and with an absolute purpose in mind. To help men, women and children see their unique beauty and value and their Unscathed Beauty.

Furthermore, for those who have never felt or experienced anything like this, there is an awareness and understanding raised about an issue that generally causes people to run the other direction. Let’s stop running the other way on this stuff… we need to stand together people… we need to let victims who are true survivors know that they are not alone and can overcome their battles. They are valuable, loved and certainly not a shameful secret. It is time to unshackle the shame- to conquer our fears and unleash our #UnscathedBeauty


Sharing my story, IWD March 11th

International Women’s Day Celebrations- 2016 

I was so privileged this past week celebrating International Women’s Day with so many of my colleagues and friends across the Queensland Police and Emergency Services. What an incredible week it has been. I have been surrounded by phenomenal women (and men) with amazing stories that have both inspired, bought joy, hope and reminded me what is important in my own life, and it is only the beginning. In spreading my own message, and sharing my story, I only seem to find meaningful and wonderful connection, love, friendship and support. This was certainly the case at this years Crime Stoppers International (Pine Rivers) High Tea and International Women’s Day event on the 11th of March at Kallangur. I was so grateful to come and share my journey at this lovely event.

This week has brought me to my knees, I have cried, I have laughed, and I have even held others in my arms while they cried. I am constantly learning from other peoples journeys, their hopes, and it all comes down to one thing. LOVE. It’s a love I cannot describe because it surpasses anything I fully understand.  I can only say that it is and always has been bigger than me or anything I can do in my own strength. All I know is to keep walking, even when I can’t see where the next step falls. That is faith. When you align your heart with your head, beautiful things happen even when you are scared, when you feel alone, or if you feel unloveable, broken or like you are failing. You are never alone.

For me, it is an answer to a long awaited prayer, and all I really needed to do was say no to my fear. I have struggled more than anything in the last few months to harness my courage and strength. I have much to do, but I know that with the incredible support and love I have received from all of you, my friends, family, and colleagues, I cannot fail. I even have the support of the Queensland Police Service and for that I am grateful and so very humbled. I attended the International Women’s Day Event at the Pullman hotel, on the 08th of March and was Awarded a award for Courage, which I did not expect, or do I feel worthy. But I am humbled that the QPS is behind me in this journey. International Women’s Day Awards

I have many messages, and I do talk as openly as I am able to about how I have overcome Sexual Abuse; and there are many reasons for this which i will share in a later blog for you, but essentially it comes down to this. Your past does not define who you are, or who you become. No one has the power to take your voice. You are made with a purpose, a passion and you are incredibly unique. There is nothing that can stop you from achieving the desires of your heart. “It is time, to conquer your fear and unleash your Unscathed Beauty”

Thank you for coming on this journey with me. Thank-you for sharing your heart with me and allowing me to speak to yours. It is only when we work together can we really affect change, and I can’t do it alone. Bless you my friends.

Much Love, Kel.



Agnes Water

It appears to me that time seems to go faster every year. New years resolutions become the same resolutions that you have the year before and sometimes the small steps to achieve goals just never seem big enough or; maybe they are and that is a great thing if you have your happiness and you are jammin’ on all things life. It seems to me that lately I have more wrinkles around my eyes every time I look in the mirror and that is enough to tell me that life is short, so… wear sunscreen and of course, play hard!

I have often struggled to move forward despite appearing like I am achieving things and I still don’t always feel like I am actually getting anywhere. Sometimes it seems like the old ‘stuff’ in the closet wants to just eat you up and devour you where you stand, that is of course if you can stand at all. Maybe its just that you are just plain old worn out. Life is hard, let’s face it. The world is crazy and chaotic. Sometimes, all you have time and energy for is to deal with today, and what’s happening around you, which is totally fine too. Living in the moment is an art, and to appreciate those moments in life is crucial. Time can be consuming when there are more things to do in a day than there are hours.

We must make time to look forward… to set goals, to make plans all the while appreciating and living in the moment. It’s easy to revert to old habits of coping, of masking and covering the pain rather than to face your fears and allow yourself the opportunity to actually move forward. Living in the moment and being consumed by the moments are two different things. Choose not to be consumed by the moments but live them!

I was reminded recently just how small we are, as I look over the expanse of the great ocean, I know I am but a speck on the horizon… a grain of sand… a cork bobbing on a sea of turbulence, or calm, or sometimes drowning as waves crash over you… it’s easy to feel small; to feel like you don’t matter. Sometimes allowing life and the things of the world to consume you is just another excuse or reason for that dream you have to slip past you- I have done this time and time again. Why? Honestly, I just never felt truly worthy of success, I have had to work very hard on myself to understand the value I have and what I can offer to others.


(Agnes Waters- Near my Home Town-My own Image (Kelly Humphries Photography))

It is easy to just sometimes ignore the niggling inside you to pursue that passion, that ‘thing’ that calls you. It is not hard to set it aside in favour of old patterns, old habits and old ways of thinking, because a new way can seem overwhelming, hard, and just too difficult in the world where you may feel like you are that cork on the sea of your own fear…

I know it sounds a bit gloomy, but what you have to realise is that in your own special uniqueness, you are the only person who has your dream, and can do it your own unique way. You are only as big as your thinking allows you to be. If you think you are small and insignificant, then you will be. If you believe that you can do something to change the world, then you will.

Just because you are small, does not mean  that you don’t have great potential, or the ability to make great change in a world that is screaming for great leaders. Even the smallest people can make the biggest difference! You only have to look at those who are humble, and lived their passion to know that one person can indeed change the world. I look at incredible female leaders like Mother Teresa (who was a very tiny woman at 5ft), she said, “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” She would ultimately be the single most famous woman in the world- besides Oprah Winfrey. Let me ask you- what is the ripple that you want to create?

I have always loved Joan of Arc, a Martyr, Saint and Military leader famous for leading the French to Victory in a 100 year war in the 14th century, she said, “I am not afraid, I was born to do this.” She was only 18 and rumoured to be just over 5ft tall, again very small, but big in heart and understood what she was born to do. A female leader in a time that was certainly not a time where women were seen as equals. So, I ask you; what were you born to do?

Is what you have planned for this year going to take you towards your goals, your dream and your passion? Are the people in your circle the kinds of people that will love and support you? Are your friends the kinds of friends that will stand by you and encourage you?

I am making a commitment to myself this year in 2016, and that is that I will not compromise on the vision I have in my heart to achieve the things that I believe are set before me. I have allowed others to compromise and I have compromised myself with poor thinking, and letting the negative thoughts of ‘not being big enough’, ‘feeling insignificant and incapable’, ‘not good enough’, to rob me from what I know I was born to do. What are you not willing to compromise?

Too many fall short of their potential because they allow their thinking and the voices of doubt to steal their passion for what they believe they are called to do. I know I have wavered many times, because I have allowed those voices to break my determination and vision. Do not allow old thinking and the chaos of the world to take you away from what you are called to do. One person can make a huge difference. What legacy do you want to leave? Who are you going to be? How are you going to create a ripple effect? Do the people in your life encourage and lift you up?

Do yourself a favour this year… don’t compromise on your dreams. Don’t give in to your fears. Understand that you were born for more! Know your importance, whether the steps you take are tiny, or you are taking great leaps towards a better and greater you; just keep taking steps. Do not allow your thinking to rob you from the joy of the pursuit towards your true self and achieving your dreams.

Bless you and your family this year as you embrace 2016. Together, let’s create lots of powerful positive ripples across the world.

Much Love! xo Kel

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(Hot Mud Pools of New Zealand- I would love to believe that the ripples I create would be ripples that would turn into great waves, and leave a lasting impression. Photograph- Kelly Humphries Photography)