Posts

KH-Manager

40 Lessons in 40 Years!

I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU! 

40 fabulous lessons in life in no particular order. Why? Because it’s my 40th Birthday and I am reflecting on how I have survived, and how I have lived!

I have been through a great deal and I have learnt so much… and much more to come no doubt.

Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes so far!

I was very unhappy about turning 40. Like I got really sad- as if I can stop it lol.(Am I the only one who had a freak out at 40?)

I just feel like there is SO much to do and I have these expectations about what I feel I should  have accomplished by now… and still haven’t. So I have flipped my perspective.

I am grateful for everyone, every lesson and what I have achieved so far, SO there really isn’t anything to get sad about right?

There are other lessons too of the humorous kind I could write about too… like making sure you point the chisel away from you when chiselling… yeah that’s the kind of stuff I do. I have the scars to prove it!

I’ll save that blog for another day!

These are more about life- 40plus lessons for 40 years! My gift to you!

Which ones resonate with you?

  1. LEAD WITH LOVE! Always act with a heart of love in your conduct and attitude. The world will make a way. You will attract likeminded and compassionate people who will stand alongside you in life, in friendship, in love, in your drive and mission. In all things, lead first with love.
  2. Family is essential! Honour them. However or wherever you find them (blood or chosen) you need connection and love. Honour and respect them always. Even if they hurt you- you have a choice. You still have respect.
  3. You need safe spaces.  We all need a place to be ourselves. Where you can let your guard down and share your secrets. Cultivate safe spaces, and keep them safe for your safe people. You will build legacies, not just friendships.
  4. Your health is one of the most important things in life. Without your health, life is tough. It diminishes your capacity and steals your passion. (Also why family is essential)
  5. You are a vessel. If there are holes in the ship it sinks. Self-care is essential for longevity. If you want to do your thing, you can’t do it in a sinking ship. Honour your boundaries, honour yourself and what you need.
  6. First impressions last. Life is really busy, and people have a lot on their plate. Standing out means making sure you’re not forgotten- for the right reasons. Nothing solidifies that more than a first impression. (i.e. a great handshake)
  7. Consistency is key. People trust consistency. It breeds reliability. Be consistent and show up. Always.
  8. Kindness doesn’t cost anything. There is plenty to be upset about, but being kind is a choice. You can choose kindness over contempt.
  9. Be excellent always. You don’t have to be perfect. There is no such thing. But if you are trying, and work hard, give your best, go above and beyond – you will reap the rewards. Your reputation will precede you. You will be known because you seek the best in yourself and your work ethic.
  10. Grace is powerful – In all of its forms. But being courteous and polite will always bring favour. Have grace for yourself, and others.

  11. Persist Powerfully– Never Give up. It is how I survived, and how I continue. Persist Powerfully- with conviction, with decision, with fierceness. Like there is no plan B.
  12. You have a choice. Not easy, especially as a survivor, but standing up for yourself is powerful and it’s your right.  You have a choice in all things. whether you exercise the right to choice is up to you. Knowing you have one is another. You deserve a choice, and you can choose.
  13. Honour your boundaries– Let No mean No, and Yes mean Yes. Toxic people steal your joy. Invest in good people who love you and lift you, challenge and grow you. Compromising is great, but honour yourself, your boundaries and  your decisions.
  14. Honour your word to others- Integrity is key, and if your word can’t be trusted, neither can you.
  15. Honour your word to yourself– Lying to yourself only hides you from yourself.
  16. Let no person hold power over you– Life is short. I have for a long time allowed my past and my story to hold power over me because of the shame I felt. That shame belongs to the perpetrator.
  17. Pursue with passion– Is there another way? Whatever you do in life, do it with passion and purpose. If you can’t then it’s not your thing. Those who pursue the things that are not in their heart reap bitterness and resentment. It hurts everyone. Live your dreams. Your passion. Your purpose. Anything else is to deny your unique gift to this world.
  18. Embrace ALL of it. I have learnt to ALLOW myself to feel all of it. The hurt. The happiness, the shame, and grief and all of the emotions. I feel lots of things. It is all ok. I have had people try to tell me how I should feel, to shut it out, upshot away… Shutting it out, means shutting myself and everyone else out too. This is  your humanity. This is a gift. Feel all of it.
  19. We are all unique. Every person is different. The things that make us different are interesting and fun, and promotes innovation and diversity.
  20. We are not higher or lower than ANY human on this planet. This promotes humility- there is not ONE person above you, or below you. We are all equal. When you realise you are but one decision away from poverty, or your whole life changing you see how it all hangs in a delicate balance. Your significance is measured by the size of your heart.
  21. We are the same. We are unique, but we are human and ALL experience the same emotions and feelings- just sometimes in a different way. This is the nature of humanity.
  22. When life hands you lemons make cheesecake. Why not? Lemon cheesecake is delicious. You can’t change what happens in the world, only your place in it, your role, and you might as well eat cheesecake- right?
  23. You matter! Your voice matters. When you learn your value, the world takes on new meaning. We all matter and we all have a part to play.
  24. Honour your friendships, your community, your tribe. Treat your connections like family. Honour your boundaries, but those who you have a heart connection with a so valuable. You need them. They need you.
  25. NEVER go to bed angry. Anything can happen. Life can be given and taken so quickly. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Forgive quickly. Love fiercely. Give freely.  Don’t lose your love over Bitterness and resentment.
  26. You must honour the truth inside you OR it will eat away at you like a disease. The truth will and does eventually set you free. You have a story? You have a secret? I promise you, holding on to it is harder in the long run than keeping it held inside you. This goes for everything. Your identity, your past, your ideas, your rights and wrongs, morals and values.
  27. Let your words ALWAYS be loving and kind. I have heard so many regrets when people have lost loved ones tragically because they have fought. You can choose how you act. Let others choose their own path for that part is out of your control.
  28. Work Hard. The world owes you nothing, but hard work teaches you humility and patience. There is also something to be said about not being financially stressed. Being able to have what you need because you have learnt the value of hard work is a lesson on gratitude. You can’t always control the world around you but at least having the ability to support your tribe when things get hard, creates connection and community.
  29. Be Authentic. The world is full of fake people and it’s hard to find people you trust sometimes. Be a light. Be real. be the person who is reliable and trustworthy.
  30. Eat the cake. Enjoy life FFS. (In moderation) be happy, eat what you like, but do it in moderation. Do it with tribe and family.
  31. Take the time to learn about many things. Ask questions. I have lots of varied interests. It helps when you’re talking to people and you can connect in many circles. its a valuable tool.
  32. Meet people where they are at. We all have expectations of others, we all have thoughts and we all judge- that’s NOT what most people need. They want to be seen, loved and accepted exactly as they are and that is just fine. They think you don’t see them. Most people believe NO one can understand them or wants to. Be the person that allows people to be seen when they are with you.
  33. NEVER lose sight of the vision. I haven’t.  (Well I have tried not to) While it has taken a lifetime to get here, I am stepping into that vision I had at 12. Hold your image. Never forget what brings you joy and passion. Even if the path is wavering enjoy the journey and hold fast and persist powerfully.
  34. Be courageous. Be brave. It is hard to love after hurt. Hard to heal after harm. Hard to grow after grief and loss. But nothing is so hard as nothing. Be brave in your decisions. Push forward- be uncomfortable… every day. This is how you grow. This is how you heal. This is how you learn and unlearn.
  35. Be kind to yourself. We beat ourselves up so much. It only promotes self-loathing I promise you. Just be kind and compassionate towards yourself and others.  ALWAYS.
  36. It WILL be okay. It always seems so hard in the moment. The courage to hold on is hard. But you will ALWAYS get through it. You just have to decide and sometimes decide many times a day.
  37. Success is always about what you think it means. Life is ALL about perspective. What lens are you looking through? What are you comparing yourself to? Or Who? What is success today? Tomorrow? We are but a measure… of our own measures. How high are you setting the bar and whose bar are you setting?
  38. Are we there yet? We are always so impatient. On our phones, hiding from life. Rushing through life. WHAT ARE WE MISSING? What are you hiding from? When you are so BUSY, opportunities will come and go and you won’t see them. Life will come and go and you will miss it. PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN.
  39. Triggers are opportunities for triumph! We hide from what makes our heart race because it makes us uncomfortable. Living your best life means facing what ‘triggers’ us, learning ‘it’s’ lesson and then stepping into our growth.
  40. Your greatest pain, can be your greatest gift. I would never be grateful for my child abuse. What I am grateful for is that I have the tools available to me and I chose to do something with what has happened, and I can turn it into something powerful. I choose to leave a legacy I can be proud of. NOT one determined by someone else.
  41. LOVE IS LOVE. End of story. When you find a love that lifts you. Hold on to it.
  42. I don’t know anything! I have something to learn from everyone… even if it is that I should never take their advice again! lol
  43. Respect and heed the lessons of your parents, family, friends and love. There are many who love you enough to spend the time to share their lessons, life and learnings. While you don’t have to do it all, respect=listening. I am Grateful for the people in my life who take the time to honour what I need.

Like this? Tell me and maybe I’ll expand this and turn it into an ebook for you! With love and gratitude, Thank you all for your continued support and love!

Kel xo

/by
KH-Manager
,

Rise Up From the Murky Waters

nz 262
Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me…right? Well, we now know this is a farce; and while we can all look tough on the outside, what’s happening on the inside sometimes seems just about as crazy as the world we live in. I have often found that despite my best efforts to
‘figure myself out,’ I have failed at times and revelation and understanding can take way too long… What is it about life that see’s us go through so many up’s and downs, rollercoasters, roundabouts, and repetitive cycles?

Why do feel like we are stuck sometimes and really can’t find our way out of the murky waters of life? I believe and I always have, that the power in whether we move forward in life is ultimately up to us. To you and me to be strong and make decisions that move us forward in the direction or our goals. Not to let others come along and speak negatively in our life, or poorly influence us, or distract us from what is important.

It is a very difficult journey on your own, and as a childhood survivor of sexual abuse, I know only too well what it feels like to be alone in the middle of a struggle. What I have learnt is that it is much easier to reach out and be vulnerable for a moment to enable you to be strong for a lifetime. You can give all the self-talk and positive affirmation you like, but the journey is much easier when we surround ourselves with people who help to push us in the right direction and fuel our dreams, ignite our passion, share our values and absolutely love us unconditionally. Sometimes that is hard to find, but we have to make a decision to be brave, and seek out the people who will support and love us, and help us grow positively in this journey of life. This includes people who will undoubtedly speak positively into your life.

It turns out that there is some science behind this positive affirmation thing and I can say with 100% certainty the language I speak about myself and allow others to speak into my life really does make a huge difference to my level of success, and my ability to overcome in any situation.

Take this for example; we all know that the human body is made up of mostly water; in fact according to Dr Jeffrey UTZ, a Neuroscientist in Paediatrics from Allegheny University; babies have the most water percentage in their bodies at around 78%. This changes as the child grows to around 60% in adult hood.

emoto-crystal

Dr Masaru Emoto Water Crystal – a happy one!

While I am no scientist and certainly no neuroscientist;  the research of Dr Masaru Emoto provides a great metaphor for the power of positive speaking and affirmation. Dr Emoto, a Japanese author, researcher and entrepreneur, who delved into the research of Water, Consciousness and Intent. He believes that water is the blueprint for humanity and has studied how the water structure changes depending on the energy it is given i.e. music, love, gratitude, positive affirmation and conversely feelings of hate, anger and the like. Watch some of Dr Emoto’s water research here.

The water given the love, gratitude and positive affirmation stayed clear, and when being examined produced beautiful crystalline structures, and the water given the negativity and hate produced deformed and dark crystalline structures. The same is true for a rice experiment which he conducted in the same way,
Dr Emoto’s Rice Study  where the rice given the love, and positive energy was shown to stay almost normal, while the ‘hate’ rice turns dark and quite frankly, rather gross.

While there is undoubtedly much praise for Dr Emoto’s research, there are also some sceptics. It makes a lot of sense to me though when we consider how much water makes up our being, and what we put into our body, how we speak to ourselves and let others speak to us, can really change how we look and feel.

Regardless, it is clear that when we speak love, joy and happiness into someone’s life, and tell ourselves things that will improve us, grow us and make us shine, then we will achieve success and radiate while doing it.

Those who are spoken poorly of; speak poorly to themselves, who are abused, hated and rejected, those who put chemicals, drugs and pollutants through their body; they may look good in the beginning, but eventually, the darkness and the distorted nature of that negativity will destroy and darken the spirit and the mind.

Life will throw us off track at times and it may be hard to connect with those who are passionate about the same things as you. You may not even know what it is you are passionate about, but when you spend time with people who make you feel good about who you are, and what you like, you will probably find your passion will find you.

If you are not feeling so crash hot and the world seems to be dragging you down, have a look at what you are putting into your body. Ask yourself; have I given myself some love today? How can I connect with people like me? Don’t think you are alone ever, there are thousands of ways to connect with people- just start putting it out there and talking to people and you will find your answers.

There is value in looking after you, and loving and supporting other people. Look after your body, and your mind, and you will shine!

Much Love, Kel xo

/by
KH-Manager
,

Your Ripple Effect…

Agnes Water

It appears to me that time seems to go faster every year. New years resolutions become the same resolutions that you have the year before and sometimes the small steps to achieve goals just never seem big enough or; maybe they are and that is a great thing if you have your happiness and you are jammin’ on all things life. It seems to me that lately I have more wrinkles around my eyes every time I look in the mirror and that is enough to tell me that life is short, so… wear sunscreen and of course, play hard!

I have often struggled to move forward despite appearing like I am achieving things and I still don’t always feel like I am actually getting anywhere. Sometimes it seems like the old ‘stuff’ in the closet wants to just eat you up and devour you where you stand, that is of course if you can stand at all. Maybe its just that you are just plain old worn out. Life is hard, let’s face it. The world is crazy and chaotic. Sometimes, all you have time and energy for is to deal with today, and what’s happening around you, which is totally fine too. Living in the moment is an art, and to appreciate those moments in life is crucial. Time can be consuming when there are more things to do in a day than there are hours.

We must make time to look forward… to set goals, to make plans all the while appreciating and living in the moment. It’s easy to revert to old habits of coping, of masking and covering the pain rather than to face your fears and allow yourself the opportunity to actually move forward. Living in the moment and being consumed by the moments are two different things. Choose not to be consumed by the moments but live them!

I was reminded recently just how small we are, as I look over the expanse of the great ocean, I know I am but a speck on the horizon… a grain of sand… a cork bobbing on a sea of turbulence, or calm, or sometimes drowning as waves crash over you… it’s easy to feel small; to feel like you don’t matter. Sometimes allowing life and the things of the world to consume you is just another excuse or reason for that dream you have to slip past you- I have done this time and time again. Why? Honestly, I just never felt truly worthy of success, I have had to work very hard on myself to understand the value I have and what I can offer to others.

AgnesWater3.jpg

(Agnes Waters- Near my Home Town-My own Image (Kelly Humphries Photography))

It is easy to just sometimes ignore the niggling inside you to pursue that passion, that ‘thing’ that calls you. It is not hard to set it aside in favour of old patterns, old habits and old ways of thinking, because a new way can seem overwhelming, hard, and just too difficult in the world where you may feel like you are that cork on the sea of your own fear…

I know it sounds a bit gloomy, but what you have to realise is that in your own special uniqueness, you are the only person who has your dream, and can do it your own unique way. You are only as big as your thinking allows you to be. If you think you are small and insignificant, then you will be. If you believe that you can do something to change the world, then you will.

Just because you are small, does not mean  that you don’t have great potential, or the ability to make great change in a world that is screaming for great leaders. Even the smallest people can make the biggest difference! You only have to look at those who are humble, and lived their passion to know that one person can indeed change the world. I look at incredible female leaders like Mother Teresa (who was a very tiny woman at 5ft), she said, “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” She would ultimately be the single most famous woman in the world- besides Oprah Winfrey. Let me ask you- what is the ripple that you want to create?

I have always loved Joan of Arc, a Martyr, Saint and Military leader famous for leading the French to Victory in a 100 year war in the 14th century, she said, “I am not afraid, I was born to do this.” She was only 18 and rumoured to be just over 5ft tall, again very small, but big in heart and understood what she was born to do. A female leader in a time that was certainly not a time where women were seen as equals. So, I ask you; what were you born to do?

Is what you have planned for this year going to take you towards your goals, your dream and your passion? Are the people in your circle the kinds of people that will love and support you? Are your friends the kinds of friends that will stand by you and encourage you?

I am making a commitment to myself this year in 2016, and that is that I will not compromise on the vision I have in my heart to achieve the things that I believe are set before me. I have allowed others to compromise and I have compromised myself with poor thinking, and letting the negative thoughts of ‘not being big enough’, ‘feeling insignificant and incapable’, ‘not good enough’, to rob me from what I know I was born to do. What are you not willing to compromise?

Too many fall short of their potential because they allow their thinking and the voices of doubt to steal their passion for what they believe they are called to do. I know I have wavered many times, because I have allowed those voices to break my determination and vision. Do not allow old thinking and the chaos of the world to take you away from what you are called to do. One person can make a huge difference. What legacy do you want to leave? Who are you going to be? How are you going to create a ripple effect? Do the people in your life encourage and lift you up?

Do yourself a favour this year… don’t compromise on your dreams. Don’t give in to your fears. Understand that you were born for more! Know your importance, whether the steps you take are tiny, or you are taking great leaps towards a better and greater you; just keep taking steps. Do not allow your thinking to rob you from the joy of the pursuit towards your true self and achieving your dreams.

Bless you and your family this year as you embrace 2016. Together, let’s create lots of powerful positive ripples across the world.

Much Love! xo Kel

nz 263

(Hot Mud Pools of New Zealand- I would love to believe that the ripples I create would be ripples that would turn into great waves, and leave a lasting impression. Photograph- Kelly Humphries Photography)

 

/by

Sign up to You Be You

An online community that celebrates diversity.

Find out more

Who is Kelly Humphries?

Kelly Humphries is a survivor of child sexual abuse, a law enforcement officer, ambassador, author, and advocate. Kel is extremely passionate about breaking cycles of abuse through multiple platforms. Learn more

Fishing girl transparent

© Copyright - Kelly Humphries Created by the team at Great Humans | Privacy matters. We never share your details with anyone. For more info visit our privacy policy.