40 fabulous lessons in life in no particular order. Why? Because it’s my 40th Birthday and I am reflecting on how I have survived, and how I have lived!

I have been through a great deal and I have learnt so much… and much more to come no doubt.

Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes so far!

I was very unhappy about turning 40. Like I got really sad- as if I can stop it lol.(Am I the only one who had a freak out at 40?)

I just feel like there is SO much to do and I have these expectations about what I feel I should  have accomplished by now… and still haven’t. So I have flipped my perspective.

I am grateful for everyone, every lesson and what I have achieved so far, SO there really isn’t anything to get sad about right?

There are other lessons too of the humorous kind I could write about too… like making sure you point the chisel away from you when chiselling… yeah that’s the kind of stuff I do. I have the scars to prove it!

I’ll save that blog for another day!

These are more about life- 40plus lessons for 40 years! My gift to you!

Which ones resonate with you?

  1. LEAD WITH LOVE! Always act with a heart of love in your conduct and attitude. The world will make a way. You will attract likeminded and compassionate people who will stand alongside you in life, in friendship, in love, in your drive and mission. In all things, lead first with love.
  2. Family is essential! Honour them. However or wherever you find them (blood or chosen) you need connection and love. Honour and respect them always. Even if they hurt you- you have a choice. You still have respect.
  3. You need safe spaces.  We all need a place to be ourselves. Where you can let your guard down and share your secrets. Cultivate safe spaces, and keep them safe for your safe people. You will build legacies, not just friendships.
  4. Your health is one of the most important things in life. Without your health, life is tough. It diminishes your capacity and steals your passion. (Also why family is essential)
  5. You are a vessel. If there are holes in the ship it sinks. Self-care is essential for longevity. If you want to do your thing, you can’t do it in a sinking ship. Honour your boundaries, honour yourself and what you need.
  6. First impressions last. Life is really busy, and people have a lot on their plate. Standing out means making sure you’re not forgotten- for the right reasons. Nothing solidifies that more than a first impression. (i.e. a great handshake)
  7. Consistency is key. People trust consistency. It breeds reliability. Be consistent and show up. Always.
  8. Kindness doesn’t cost anything. There is plenty to be upset about, but being kind is a choice. You can choose kindness over contempt.
  9. Be excellent always. You don’t have to be perfect. There is no such thing. But if you are trying, and work hard, give your best, go above and beyond – you will reap the rewards. Your reputation will precede you. You will be known because you seek the best in yourself and your work ethic.
  10. Grace is powerful – In all of its forms. But being courteous and polite will always bring favour. Have grace for yourself, and others.

  11. Persist Powerfully– Never Give up. It is how I survived, and how I continue. Persist Powerfully- with conviction, with decision, with fierceness. Like there is no plan B.
  12. You have a choice. Not easy, especially as a survivor, but standing up for yourself is powerful and it’s your right.  You have a choice in all things. whether you exercise the right to choice is up to you. Knowing you have one is another. You deserve a choice, and you can choose.
  13. Honour your boundaries– Let No mean No, and Yes mean Yes. Toxic people steal your joy. Invest in good people who love you and lift you, challenge and grow you. Compromising is great, but honour yourself, your boundaries and  your decisions.
  14. Honour your word to others- Integrity is key, and if your word can’t be trusted, neither can you.
  15. Honour your word to yourself– Lying to yourself only hides you from yourself.
  16. Let no person hold power over you– Life is short. I have for a long time allowed my past and my story to hold power over me because of the shame I felt. That shame belongs to the perpetrator.
  17. Pursue with passion– Is there another way? Whatever you do in life, do it with passion and purpose. If you can’t then it’s not your thing. Those who pursue the things that are not in their heart reap bitterness and resentment. It hurts everyone. Live your dreams. Your passion. Your purpose. Anything else is to deny your unique gift to this world.
  18. Embrace ALL of it. I have learnt to ALLOW myself to feel all of it. The hurt. The happiness, the shame, and grief and all of the emotions. I feel lots of things. It is all ok. I have had people try to tell me how I should feel, to shut it out, upshot away… Shutting it out, means shutting myself and everyone else out too. This is  your humanity. This is a gift. Feel all of it.
  19. We are all unique. Every person is different. The things that make us different are interesting and fun, and promotes innovation and diversity.
  20. We are not higher or lower than ANY human on this planet. This promotes humility- there is not ONE person above you, or below you. We are all equal. When you realise you are but one decision away from poverty, or your whole life changing you see how it all hangs in a delicate balance. Your significance is measured by the size of your heart.
  21. We are the same. We are unique, but we are human and ALL experience the same emotions and feelings- just sometimes in a different way. This is the nature of humanity.
  22. When life hands you lemons make cheesecake. Why not? Lemon cheesecake is delicious. You can’t change what happens in the world, only your place in it, your role, and you might as well eat cheesecake- right?
  23. You matter! Your voice matters. When you learn your value, the world takes on new meaning. We all matter and we all have a part to play.
  24. Honour your friendships, your community, your tribe. Treat your connections like family. Honour your boundaries, but those who you have a heart connection with a so valuable. You need them. They need you.
  25. NEVER go to bed angry. Anything can happen. Life can be given and taken so quickly. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Forgive quickly. Love fiercely. Give freely.  Don’t lose your love over Bitterness and resentment.
  26. You must honour the truth inside you OR it will eat away at you like a disease. The truth will and does eventually set you free. You have a story? You have a secret? I promise you, holding on to it is harder in the long run than keeping it held inside you. This goes for everything. Your identity, your past, your ideas, your rights and wrongs, morals and values.
  27. Let your words ALWAYS be loving and kind. I have heard so many regrets when people have lost loved ones tragically because they have fought. You can choose how you act. Let others choose their own path for that part is out of your control.
  28. Work Hard. The world owes you nothing, but hard work teaches you humility and patience. There is also something to be said about not being financially stressed. Being able to have what you need because you have learnt the value of hard work is a lesson on gratitude. You can’t always control the world around you but at least having the ability to support your tribe when things get hard, creates connection and community.
  29. Be Authentic. The world is full of fake people and it’s hard to find people you trust sometimes. Be a light. Be real. be the person who is reliable and trustworthy.
  30. Eat the cake. Enjoy life FFS. (In moderation) be happy, eat what you like, but do it in moderation. Do it with tribe and family.
  31. Take the time to learn about many things. Ask questions. I have lots of varied interests. It helps when you’re talking to people and you can connect in many circles. its a valuable tool.
  32. Meet people where they are at. We all have expectations of others, we all have thoughts and we all judge- that’s NOT what most people need. They want to be seen, loved and accepted exactly as they are and that is just fine. They think you don’t see them. Most people believe NO one can understand them or wants to. Be the person that allows people to be seen when they are with you.
  33. NEVER lose sight of the vision. I haven’t.  (Well I have tried not to) While it has taken a lifetime to get here, I am stepping into that vision I had at 12. Hold your image. Never forget what brings you joy and passion. Even if the path is wavering enjoy the journey and hold fast and persist powerfully.
  34. Be courageous. Be brave. It is hard to love after hurt. Hard to heal after harm. Hard to grow after grief and loss. But nothing is so hard as nothing. Be brave in your decisions. Push forward- be uncomfortable… every day. This is how you grow. This is how you heal. This is how you learn and unlearn.
  35. Be kind to yourself. We beat ourselves up so much. It only promotes self-loathing I promise you. Just be kind and compassionate towards yourself and others.  ALWAYS.
  36. It WILL be okay. It always seems so hard in the moment. The courage to hold on is hard. But you will ALWAYS get through it. You just have to decide and sometimes decide many times a day.
  37. Success is always about what you think it means. Life is ALL about perspective. What lens are you looking through? What are you comparing yourself to? Or Who? What is success today? Tomorrow? We are but a measure… of our own measures. How high are you setting the bar and whose bar are you setting?
  38. Are we there yet? We are always so impatient. On our phones, hiding from life. Rushing through life. WHAT ARE WE MISSING? What are you hiding from? When you are so BUSY, opportunities will come and go and you won’t see them. Life will come and go and you will miss it. PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN.
  39. Triggers are opportunities for triumph! We hide from what makes our heart race because it makes us uncomfortable. Living your best life means facing what ‘triggers’ us, learning ‘it’s’ lesson and then stepping into our growth.
  40. Your greatest pain, can be your greatest gift. I would never be grateful for my child abuse. What I am grateful for is that I have the tools available to me and I chose to do something with what has happened, and I can turn it into something powerful. I choose to leave a legacy I can be proud of. NOT one determined by someone else.
  41. LOVE IS LOVE. End of story. When you find a love that lifts you. Hold on to it.
  42. I don’t know anything! I have something to learn from everyone… even if it is that I should never take their advice again! lol
  43. Respect and heed the lessons of your parents, family, friends and love. There are many who love you enough to spend the time to share their lessons, life and learnings. While you don’t have to do it all, respect=listening. I am Grateful for the people in my life who take the time to honour what I need.

Like this? Tell me and maybe I’ll expand this and turn it into an ebook for you! With love and gratitude, Thank you all for your continued support and love!

Kel xo

What to do after sexual assault or violence

IMG_0044I never want to think anything nasty would ever happen to anyone ever again… but then again we know that it’s just not possible. Sexual Violence can, and still happens more frequently than we know- in fact domestic violence and sexual assault occurs in ⅓ women and 1/6 men. Thats only what we know… and not what goes unreported.

I am someone who knows this and with a background of over 10 years in policing, I know that the stats are just a scratch on the surface of what is really happening. So it goes without saying that cultivating a safe space to talk about some of the hardest things imaginable, is essential. This includes workplaces, schools, families and individuals.

In giving you, or someone you know the best chance of recovery post incident, I have put together a few tips and things that I believe MAY help should anything like this happen (immediatley after an incident).

Tips- If something has happened to your child

  • Call Police or get help. Your child is a victim of a crime (make sure they are in a safe space to disclose)
  • Remain calm
  • Believe them
  • Make sure you are in a safe space to make an informed decision- if you don’t feel very informed, whether you decide to make a complaint or not you can seek advice from the support agencies and Police. You can find a few on my website at
  • Understand that your responses are normal, but they may not always be helpful.
  • Don’t bathe or shower your child. As awful as it is, their clothes and body contain vital evidence for Police.
  • Speak from a heart of love and concern. Provide reassurance, reassurance and more reassurance. By knowing what your child needs, you will know the appropriate response… love your child and be patient with yourself and their emotions. Remind them that they are loved and valuable. ENSURE that if you are angry, you tell them that it is not because of them, but at the situation. That they have done nothing wrong.
  • Do not blame them (Trust me this happens, unfortunately)
  • Try not to ask too many questions until after police have spoken to them. Your questioning may contaminate evidence. If you must ask, then ask open-ended questions… “tell me more about that…”
  • Get your child some form of support- as soon as possible.  Allow them the opportunity to speak freely and give them the choice to speak to a counsellor without you being there. In your protective nature you want to be present in everything.  There are some things that they will not want you to know. Allow them to take their own healing journey and to own their own story.
  • Get some support for yourself and your family as well in order to be the best support for your child that you can be.

If something has happened to you

    • Call Police or get help. You are a victim of crime.
    • Remain calm
    • Understand that your responses are normal, but they may not always be helpful. Be kind to yourself and patient.
    • Make sure you are in a safe space to make an informed decision- if you don’t feel very informed, whether you decide to make a complaint or not you can seek advice from the support agencies. You can find a few on my website at
    • Don’t bathe or shower. Don’t douche. As awful as it is, your clothes contain vital evidence for Police.
    • Write down all you can to recall what happened. The location. The identity and description of the offender. Their car, their smell, whether they had facial hair or not. Their accent and any thing that is different about them.
    • You don’t need to involve police if you don’t wish to. But I highly recommend it. If you choose not to involve police, please take yourself to a medical facility for assistance and to get checked.
    • Ensure that you speak to someone. I left it a very long time to talk to someone and this in one of my biggest regrets. Don’t wait. When I say someone, I don’t just mean a friend. Talk to someone who specialises in sexual violence counselling support. There are certain things that occur in sexual violence scenarios and it is sometimes more helpful to have someone who deals with this frequently.


Remember you and your family are valuable. I hope nothing like this ever happens to anyone in your family- it is the reason I have written blogs about what signs (Physical, Psychological, Behavioural)  to look for, grooming patterns etc… in terms of preventing harm and sexual assault and violence occuring.

Even if you never have anything like this happen, make a decision that you can be someone who can stand up and help those who need it and be someone who breaks cycles and not perpetuates them. What I mean by this is, when something happens to someone around us, we have a choice. That is to believe them, validate their experience, reassure them that they are safe and show them love… or we can allow our emotions to rule us, and/or indifference and as a result it could really harm a persons ability to heal. Be a warrior for someone who is in the midst of crisis. You may just save their life.


Much Love Kel XO



Every situation is different and each situation has its own very complex circumstances. There are no hard and fast answers, what I say here is my experience- and my own opinion supported at times by research.

This stuff is not black and white. It just can’t be. What is black and white/ right and wrong is that Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence is never ok, and it is never under any circumstances right.

What is grey is in fact terribly dark… That is the silence that sits surrounding this topic. The shame and absolute fear so heavily laden on the shoulders of victims that the mere thought of speaking brings crippling anxiety and fear.

Lets change that… together.

For further support you can click HERE:

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 in Australia. 

To report sexual abuse to police- please attend a Police Station or call 131444 for Policelink. (Australia)

To seek support or assistance you can contact me, (I am a single entity who can offer advice, and personal coaching. I am not a psychologist or registered counsellor, but I am very approachable and happy to help. 

You can contact the Centre for Sexual Violence at and download any of their brochures and information, and likewise Bravehearts–

For internet related advice please contact The Carly Ryan Foundation


My heart and my passion is to see cycles broken and lives changed… Sometimes I get the incredible privilege to be asked to speak. I was honoured just this week, September 28th, 2017 to share at the WAVSS (Working Against Violence Support Service- Logan and Redlands) AGM Breakfast meeting as their guest speaker. WAAVS is a service primarily supporting families through Domestic and Family Violence.

My message among many; you are never alone and what pain we feel can be healed through the power of connection, as well as it be prevented. Did you know that someone has already kicked down the door? Someone has already ridden the rollercoaster? Never is the journey you walk one that hasn’t been travelled in some way by someone before you. Paths have crossed…and while your story is unique shared experiences and breaking through fear brings freedom. Domestic Violence like any other form of trauma is a cycle that needs to be broken and one where a victim (male or female) can feel afraid and isolated.

Many of us in our pain and the crisis in life leave us unable to see past what is happening directly in front of us. More often than not, we are blinded by the crisis and the deep emotions felt when the world deals one of its cruel blows. (It is also how people remain stuck in these spaces) This can last a moment… or sometimes years at a time depending on your experience or situation.

The power of connection provides a way for healing to begin… not just any connection, but a safe, trusted and understanding connection. This is why I love services like WAVSS and many like it… because they are passionate about what they do, and they, understand and believe the cycle needs to be broken.

So my encouragement is simple- make sure the people in your circle of influence are the people that you trust, that are safe, and can ride the waves with you. You are more than a label and you are never alone. #ReachOut #YouMatter


Thankyou to the team at WAVSS who work with victims and families of Domestic Violence and for allowing me to stand with you!

Much Love

Kel Xo


#NotAlone #KellyHumphries #UnscathedBeauty #MoreThanLabels   #Wavss #KellyHumphriesSpeaker

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